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    MSILVER94   10,448
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My 4 year Spark Anniversary is coming!!


Wednesday, May 23, 2012

I can't believe it...I just realized the other day when I was looking at my pledge on my fridge dated 6/24/2008! 2008!! Wow...In those 4 years I have plenty of bad and plenty of good that has happend to me. But at the end of the day, I will say I have maintained a healthy lifestyle. So hopefully it is safe to say this is a lifestyle for me. Sure I have been up and down weight wise but nothing crazy.

I can't lie though I am sad that starting in 2011 and up til now I have been the same weight or recycling the same ol pounds. I can pin point the exact moment I fell off and never got back on quite the same since. But no excuses count and over a year is plenty of time to get back on it. And for the past two weeks I have been on it, like I was in the past. I guess I'm just so tired, I'm ready to get it done. I know I have also been very afraid of ACTUALLY meeting my goal...if I were to be honest...people compliment me now and act surprised when I tell them how much more I want to lose. They are in the back of my mind, how shocked they are. People telling me I'm good where I am. But guess what Michelle!! Those same people told me I carried 277lbs well, that I was tall and it worked for me!!...hmmmm! I mean maybe before they could see the difference. Looking at my before pictures even myself I'm shocked at how I looked. That is something I have recently realized as well. The people telling me I'm good now and were the same people that were surprised I wanted to lose back then. I know I have just been afraid. We all have a story and like most of you my "story" has been being the overweight, depressed person...meeting my goal, I would have to rewrite my story!!! AND I couldn't use it anymore as why this or that went wrong for me. I don't know. I just have been thinking about those things. My "Big girl story" is old, my "losing weight" story is OLD! 4 years OLD now that I can put a date on it. Who AM I if I'm not that girl... I was talking to my mom and she agreed that perhaps I was afraid to actually do it. I am trying to put my fears aside and push myself and be the person I really want to be. I am 30, I stopped living the big girl life in 2008 and by golly, I got a lot of more life in me.

I'm 5'8 and I would loooove to be that tall slender woman. That is what I would want. I think I am afraid of the attention as well.- just a recent realization as I said that. I think I'm afraid of the attention as well. Shaking my head.

Either way I'm trying to push aside my fears and push myself and this time not stop until I'm at my goal.

Thanks for reading my ramblings! lol
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FAITHHOPELOVE17 7/27/2012 12:10PM

    Be "your" best self. Only you know what that looks like! You need to feel good about you! You have come a long way... as i am still living the fat girl life Ugh! But if you feel like you want to lose some more to meet your goals for yourself do it! Find your healthy and happy place! Thanks again for being an inspiration! Blessings! - Kelly:)

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FAITHHOPELOVE17 7/27/2012 12:08PM

    Be "your" best self. Only you know what that looks like! You need to feel good about you! You have come a long way... as i am still living the fat girl life Ugh! But if you feel like you want to lose some more to meet your goals for yourself do it! Find your healthy and happy place! Thanks again for being an inspiration! Blessings! - Kelly:)

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ME_HERE_NOW 5/30/2012 6:54PM

    keep working it dollface, you WILL get to where you want to be, you are a constant source of inspiration to me!

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LANGHAM71 5/24/2012 4:03PM

    First, HAPPY 4th ANNIVERSARY on Spark! :-)

Second, BE PROUD! You have accomplish a lot. It may not be your goal as of YET, but you are continuing your life style journey, you haven't given up! You have been up and down, but you are still working.

Last, get use to the attention, as you continue to look good and improve, more people will take notice. AND don't be humble about people compliments, stand tall, thank them for the compliments, YOU EARN IT! :-)

I want to be where you are in four years, looking good! So, I am more motivated based on your four year journey!

James
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BABBINA 5/24/2012 12:59AM

    I think I get & understand yr fear... were u heavy as a child? Could be why, just comfort of knowing & being used to the way u were... maybe yr afraid people would treat u different when yr know as the slender gal rather than the thick one... Perhaps u could find something else to motivate, like wanting to lose more to get to a healthy, for, you guessed it, your (future) health, you know? This way, u wont have to worry abt everyone elses opinions Think "my health" rather than just "plain aesthetics" Looking better & better is just part of the package so screw everyone else & kick yr fear's butt, yr super attractive & there's nothing u can do abt it, so there! lol emoticon

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CROWLEY123 5/23/2012 8:30PM

    The fact that you have been in the game all this time, and still have your eye on the brass ring says something aBout your commitment. emoticon

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ONESTUBBORNTART 5/23/2012 4:47PM

    Congratulations on making this huge change. Four years" Wow! Now as for the fear? All I can say it I know what you mean but how to get past it? That I don't know yet. I wish you all the best x

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JOSIEISHEALTHY 5/23/2012 4:34PM

    I can totally relate to this blog. I wonder sometimes what I am affraid of, and I guess it's just who will I be when I reach my goal? What will be my goal after I reach my goal.

I've met my goal before back then at 127 pounds and it ruled but it also was kind of saddening. What do I do now? Now that I am at a "good weight" where does that leave me? Now that I am not the big girl, who the heck am I? lol lots of questions.

Dont' be affraid though of success, because you are worth is and you are working hard. I am proud of you for sticking to this, you are amazing :)

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ZIRCADIA 5/23/2012 3:11PM

    I fell off mid 2009 and have never been quite the same since - I've sloowwwwly crept up and down somewhat since then, recycling lbs as you said, but I'm really trying to put the nail in that coffin right now. We're at a great place in our life "lifewise" and that is when I made the big change before, when things felt stable and good at home. We're starting a new life in a new place and I'm ready to renew my commitment to being fit! :) I'm glad that I've always kept on it at least to keep within a healthy weight range for myself, but I'd like to get back to where I was before summer 2009.

No more fear! We can admit we got off track, and we can move forward with our heads held high!

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BKYCAMPOS 5/23/2012 3:04PM

  That is so awesome! Congrats on 4 years!! What an accmplishment!

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