Wednesday, May 23, 2012
I can't believe it...I just realized the other day when I was looking at my pledge on my fridge dated 6/24/2008! 2008!! Wow...In those 4 years I have plenty of bad and plenty of good that has happend to me. But at the end of the day, I will say I have maintained a healthy lifestyle. So hopefully it is safe to say this is a lifestyle for me. Sure I have been up and down weight wise but nothing crazy.
I can't lie though I am sad that starting in 2011 and up til now I have been the same weight or recycling the same ol pounds. I can pin point the exact moment I fell off and never got back on quite the same since. But no excuses count and over a year is plenty of time to get back on it. And for the past two weeks I have been on it, like I was in the past. I guess I'm just so tired, I'm ready to get it done. I know I have also been very afraid of ACTUALLY meeting my goal...if I were to be honest...people compliment me now and act surprised when I tell them how much more I want to lose. They are in the back of my mind, how shocked they are. People telling me I'm good where I am. But guess what Michelle!! Those same people told me I carried 277lbs well, that I was tall and it worked for me!!...hmmmm! I mean maybe before they could see the difference. Looking at my before pictures even myself I'm shocked at how I looked. That is something I have recently realized as well. The people telling me I'm good now and were the same people that were surprised I wanted to lose back then. I know I have just been afraid. We all have a story and like most of you my "story" has been being the overweight, depressed person...meeting my goal, I would have to rewrite my story!!! AND I couldn't use it anymore as why this or that went wrong for me. I don't know. I just have been thinking about those things. My "Big girl story" is old, my "losing weight" story is OLD! 4 years OLD now that I can put a date on it. Who AM I if I'm not that girl... I was talking to my mom and she agreed that perhaps I was afraid to actually do it. I am trying to put my fears aside and push myself and be the person I really want to be. I am 30, I stopped living the big girl life in 2008 and by golly, I got a lot of more life in me.
I'm 5'8 and I would loooove to be that tall slender woman. That is what I would want. I think I am afraid of the attention as well.- just a recent realization as I said that. I think I'm afraid of the attention as well. Shaking my head.
Either way I'm trying to push aside my fears and push myself and this time not stop until I'm at my goal.
Thanks for reading my ramblings! lol