Wednesday, May 23, 2012
So I think this new guy that I'm dating might stick around. It also helps that he lives in the same town... but he started to put his foot in his mouth and I didn't speak up.
He's a doctor and somehow we got talking about a random topic... that led to a tangent... that led to him talking about having to do exams on obese people. It was a good thing this was over the phone or I might have seriously lost it and had a super weird look on my face. First off, he has like no idea of how much people weigh--he was joking about one woman who sounded morbidly obese and he guessed she weighed like 300#. At my highest I was 276, so that instantly felt like a jellyfish sting. I haven't come clean about my weight loss. It still feels kind of like a secret. I know it's not, but when some people hear that you've lost over 90#, they just assume you used to look like Jabba the Hut. Now my friends always told me I was "never that fat," but yea... I kind of was. So luckily for me this guy isn't on Facebook = can't see old pictures. I was talking to another guy off eHarmony -- I friended him on Facebook (which I didn't really want to do b/c of all of the old pics) -- and I haven't heard from him since Sunday. Granted I'm ignoring him to hang out with the doc, but still... there's that nagging part of my brain that thinks he went through my profile and ran.
So yea -- back to the doc. That was super awkward conversation. I mean he's a really great guy, and a super dork -- so I will get more comfortable with him. I'm already honest with him about how much I work out -- so he knows that I'm semi-fitness obsessed -- but he doesn't yet know about the 90#... Geesh. This feels so awkward for me. How did you all deal with this? I feel like it's coming, but we've only been on two real dates so I think its a little early for this nugget of information. With other guys I've dated I came clean, but those relationships sort of died. Plus I've gone on a bunch of really bad first dates so I never had to bring this up...
Now here's the kicker... I have a friend's wedding in a month. I'm going. I put a +1 down, mainly so I wouldn't get stuck at a random table, and if all goes well -- I may invite the doc to go in like two weeks. So this wedding is full of people I went to undergrad with -- who knew me when I was at my highest = size 22/24. Now I'm an 8/10/12 depending on the brand -- so they are ALL going to comment on my weight loss. So if this does work out and he does go -- then he's going to hear about it. SO I guess if it works out I have a deadline for spilling the beans... (God I don't want to go to another wedding stag!)
So yep. That's what I'm dealing with. My weigh in this week was 185 = +2#. I don't know what it was other than the wine and cheese and chocolate over the weekend. And the carb monster hangover from the week before. I'd like to think at least 1# of those 2# is muscle since I started the Bob Harper DVDs. My core is stronger, but dang -- I just do not do side burpes and I can only hold plank for like a minute -- so I'm still working on my fitness.
I've been a little nuts with working out for a long time. I mowed the yard for over an hour... showered... then did an hour of strength training while watching TV. I upped my workout expectations on Spark, and thankfully it upped my calories. I was already probably eating more than I should, 'cause 1200-1500 is hard! But even with all that the scale is NOT moving down. Grr--I need to buckle down and focus as much on my eating as I am on my fitness.
Work's been a little crazy. My boss has been gone since the 2nd day of May and he gets back next week. I have a review paper due on the 28th... I've been a super slacker so now the pressure is on to keep writing. If only it were as easy as blogging! So I need to ditch Spark and get to "work" work. I am trying to devote some of the energy I've devoted to my weight loss journey to my drive to publish research papers. The more I publish the better job I can get. It's almost a numbers game. You can have one GREAT paper in a fantastic journal, but if you have three or four good papers in other journals you're seen as a better candidate because you're more productive. Seeing as I don't have any first author publications this review is a BIG deal. For some reason though, I wasted an ENTIRE month not writing! What's wrong with me? I needed a reality check or an impending deadline to get me writing. So adios! I need to lock myself in my office and finish this paper!