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    JACKIE-78   124
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defense mechanisms

Thursday, March 29, 2007

It just about breaks my heart every time he says this one thing. I've asked him over and over and over in the last 7 years NOT to go there. Yet, he does. Each time he feels justified and each time I explain how it hurts me and each time he says sorry. But... it's repetitive. I'm tired of not being taken seriously when it comes to that.
So we fought, ate in separate rooms, went to sleep mad, woke up mad and when I called to ask WHY do you insist on going there? He simply felt justified. And what did I do? My response is, "look, you are basically making me choose between settling with a guy like you who will spurt out hurtful things when you see fit and feel justified about it and having a life possibly with someone who is simply kind" he says... we have to talk about this later. Very off-putting to someone who's wanting to duke it out, let me just say. It makes me furious. Like I want to pack up and just go. If you're not going to work it out and going to make me feel like an ass for being upset, what good is this? It's so aggrivating because just yesterday afternoon I was thinking about how much I love and value him. Ugh... I get so stinkin' frustrated and it gets me thinking... is this what I'm choosing for the rest of my life? I need to choose carefully. I know I'm just mad but honestly... I don't want to be disrespected and talked to like that. Rare as it may be, I don't want it at all.
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LUCKIECHARMER 4/23/2007 1:16PM

    I know how you feel. I do the same with my boyfriend and it hurts something awful. Its especially hard when you tell people what you are going through and all they can say is "get rid of him"...especially when you love someone-its not always that easy. I hope whatever the fight was about, you will find a way to tell him how you feel in a way that would make him understand. Its good to see that you recognize that-true, you both are upset and hurt so you say things you dont necessarily mean...but that you also deserve the best. I hope you are able to work through this...and if not, I hope that God gives you the strength you need to be able to look through clear eyes and find the one who is truly meant for you. You are such a beautiful person...don't let anybody take that away from you.

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