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Time to Let it Out

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

I have had a couple of stressful situation come against me in the past few weeks, but yet I stayed positive. I was doing so well, I wasn't stressing or overthinking. I got sick & that went all the way into Mother's day, but I still tried to stay focused. Now I will say, that threw me off. However; I was still THINKING about exercising & being productive. I dragged myself to my babies school for their reading presentation to me-still super sick, but that's what mom's are supposed to do. Well I got over that & the next obstacle comes along. It wasn't too challenging, but it was one I that was somewhat the root of my problems. I didn't dwell on it or freak out, I dealt with it & tried to move on. Notice I said TRIED. Well I was still watching what I was eating but I wasn't exercising everyday like I had been or when I did it wasn't for 60 min. Now I know any movement is better than none so I would at least do my strength training on my scheduled days. But I was feeling like I wasn't being myself.

Better half comes home from work & is home for a few days & he encourages me to get my workouts in. I do & I felt soo much better. I even posted a status update about it. I am so much more productive when he is home for several reasons, but when he leaves sometimes I tend to fall apart. Lately though I haven't been & me not letting my fears or worries get in my way have gotten me to this: and this:

My confidence in myself is coming back around & it shows. Sunday morning I didn't feel like dealing with the car so my family & got dressed & walked to church. Its only about 7-10 minutes away. But I was feeling blessed & ready to start my week off right. Renew my spirit, don't sweat the small stuff such as the car, & keep it moving!! Monday comes along & there was a phone call I had to make that I knew may not turn out well. This is an issue that I had been dealing with for over a month now & it was starting to cause me grief because the results of it would affect my family. I prayed about it, talked it out, called my fiance' & he gave me encouraging words. Then comes the phone call. I got the results that I needed, but the conversation didn't go so well. I tried to shake back from it, but that wasn't working out too well for me. Now its like all the things I have been trying to push aside & or jump over are coming back to throw me off. My fiance' works 70 miles away. He has two jobs & they are both demanding at times. For the past year this is how it has been. He has to live at his jobs most of the time & comes home for maybe a day or two or sometimes none. I often think of him as being deployed. He is only 70mi away but that turns into days & at times weeks. He doesn't like it & I absolutely despise it. It all to provide for our family & still not have enough at times. We are putting our heads together to come up with a better solution, but sometimes other things just get in the way. We both get discouraged & feel like we are doing things alone. We have to constantly remind each other that we are not in this by ourselves. But if one of us isn't on board than that effects both of us. Whether he knows it or not, I feed off his motivation & I know he does mine. When I start slacking, it shows & I feel like Im letting us both down. So I had noticed that last week I only put in work twice with some weights on a few days & so far this week I haven't worked out any. I also noticed that I was just eating anything, but I was aware of what I was eating & I would follow it with healthier choices or slack off. My point is, I was still aware of what I was doing.

I'm blogging right now because I feel myself regressing. I don't see any negative results with my progress yet, but I know if I don't get back on the good foot & get out of this slump-the madness will begin. What I have realized in this time too is that when I am feeling lonely or stressed, I turn to the foolish ways. I am feeling super lonely this week because I won't be seeing my love for about 7 days. I still have to deal with this car & my babies are all out of school so I will have to find ways to keep them occupied other than video games, tv, & reading all day. I know it may not seem like much to some. Other have deeper problems. But these are my insecurities & things that cause my anxieties to come out & also cause me to overreact to them. I'm trying to stop the cycle now. I won't go back, but I guess know that I'm heading down the wrong path is a start. It gives me a way to rethink some things & figure out how to get back moving in the positive direction before it is too late. I can do this, things were going so well!!! I've got to get back there ASAP. I guess Im just missing this right now
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BLUE_KARMA 5/24/2012 9:43AM

    It sounds as if you are doing the things you need to do to take care of yourself. You are so smart to pray, to come work things out on your blog and to communicate with your fiance.

I hope your health is fully returned and your stressors are minimized.

BTW - you look so lovely in the pictures!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LILSHINE 5/23/2012 7:34PM

    Its a great thing to blog/journal to vent and share your feelings. One bit of positive motivation that I will give you is that you're trying to handle all of your problems or life's issues on your own or you and your fiance. You go to church and that I hope means you trust in God for everything. One mistake we often make is that we pray about things and ask God for help but we also take them back when we finish praying. To pray means you trust Him to handle your problems and you don't worry about them anymore. You just begin to thank Him for answering your prayers and meeting your needs. Read your word and stay positive daily. Don't speak negative thoughts even though it may be hard work on staying and saying positive. You will begin to see things change in your life when you turn it over to the Lord. Rest in Him and know He will also give you and your fiance the answer to which direction to go to come together as a couple and find the jobs and income that will keep you both together regularly. The separation may be a reason why you're feeling the way you do. Hopefully I'm not being to forward but I know that I have been in situations where I've felt this way and through totally giving it to God I am able to rise above situations. Be blessed my sista thing will get better for you both.

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1PEACEBUNNY 5/23/2012 10:08AM

    Never apologize for putting your self out there, this is YOUR blog, your venting session, celebrating session or just being you session. You are using it the right way and this will help you lessen your stress. Your situation is also unique to you being that its yours...sure some people problems may differ from yours but that doesn't lessen your stress or the severity of your problems.

You guys will be ok, you just have to pray and put a plan into action about how you can be with him and do everything else. This plan will not come overnight or right away so let go of the stress and work it into a plan. Find cheap affordable or free ideas for the kids to do while they're off. Look into community events and programs and walk with them to burn stress and weight for you and energy for them. I'm sure you will be ok, you just need to PRAY, Refocus, and redirect. You are loved and he is with you....the Lord and your man. You got this. Now get to it! Praying for you on my end! emoticon emoticon

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