Tuesday, May 22, 2012
There's nothing so rude as the realization that the outfit you felt fabulous in turning up on facebook making you look like a bloated moose. I've known for a long time that my body isn't what I want it to be. I've struggled since high school and younger with the knowledge that I was the largest of my friends.
Somehow that picture today brought me back here. Spark helped me lose 20 pounds before my wedding. I've used it in the four years since, but never with the same devotion. I've bounced up and down between stressful situations and life and location changes. I find myself 35 pounds above my wedding weight.
Now I find myself considering a family and wondering if I'll be healthy enough to even carry a baby. So I find myself here. I've tried several times now to break this cycle, and really, I take pride in not totally giving up.
I've made exercise and water a real part of my life and have exercised six days a week every week so far this year. That's no small venture. I continue to struggle with food. I seek it out without meaning to and use it in place of healthier outlets. I see it ruining my chance at the life I want to lead.
I want to make a difference in my life and I'm going to try to change. Again.