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I'm struggling a little; but thanks to Coach Nicole...

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

So, my friends... if you’re thinking that this is one of my happy, peppy blogs, just stop right here. I’ve been struggling these past 2 weeks, have had a lot on my mind and I just need to get it out there to move on. But, as many of my friends here know. I usually end up on a positive note anyway.

I’ve reached one of those points were I just feel as if I’m caught in the midst of a maelstrom with no way out. I’ve burned the candle at both ends for too long and my stress has reached an all time high.

It all started when one of my coworkers – who I thought was a friend – went to my supervisor (I’m a contractor so I don’t work directly for the PI in my program) with something he thought was a problem based on his perception. As it turns out, his perception was wrong. So he basically went behind my back and caused a problem for me when he was wrong. Had he just come to me, I would have told/showed him. I’ve known him for 6 years. I was floored and have never felt so… I can’t even come up with a good word. Ugh! I will never trust this person again, nor will I ever feel comfortable working with him again. I can’t understand why he did this and it’s been really stressing me out. Since then, I’ve had conversations with my supervisor as well as the PI of the program I work in and both of them are fine. But this guy…

On top of that, my cataract is progressing faster than expected. I am in near constant pain from straining to read and see. I just saw my optometrist and she said if she didn’t know I was already being seen by a specialist for my other eye issue, she’d recommend one for surgery now. I’m seeing him in 4 months. The strain on my eyes has caused my prescription to change again just adding to the difficulty seeing and the amount of strain. Like I said, near constant pain and scowl. It’s very frustrating to me more than anything and I’m scared to death about surgery.

To add in some more, we just found out that my DD’s coach is being made to feel uncomfortable at the gym and is considering leaving. I’ve watched my DD gain so much focus and confidence since joining the team. This is killing me. All the team parents are working together to try and get this resolved. It basically boils down to one kids parents ruining the whole team – a team of 20 other kids. It just plain sucks.

So, I let all of this just build. It’s my MO. I’ve reached that not sleeping well, teeth grinding, stomach upset, tension everywhere point. I’ve stopped tracking my food, my workouts are inconsistent. I’m so tired, I just don’t feel like working out at all. I haven’t started bingeing; but I’m also not fueling my body properly. I feel yucky and exhausted. I can’t even think straight. It’s ridiculous.

Then my mind starts reminding me that I’m supposed to be a leader for our challenge team. I’ve always been one to lead by example. I won’t ask someone to do something that I wouldn’t do. I want to be supportive, I want to be motivational, I want to inspire. I don’t’ want to be leading in the wrong direction. I also feel like I’m losing touch with some of my very first and most inspirational friends. Friends that I’ve been in contact with since I’ve started. You guys got me going in the right direction and kept me motivated. I know some of you are facing struggles too; but somehow I can’t help but feel like I’m letting people down.

I realize that I need to stop the mental frenzy. I can’t control what other people do. All I can do is control how I react and my actions going forward. I may never understand the “why” of some of this; but I need to let that go. What has happened has happened and I can't change it. I need to just move forward. For my own health. One of my Spark friends is currently writing a series of blogs about finding the Holy Grail of weight loss. He’s a HUGE inspiration for me and his words ring so true. His most recent part of the series was about negative self-talk (
). Yeah… queen of that here.

So, I’m trying to get my head out of my tush. Organize my thoughts and just plain let go. One step I took today was to get back to what worked for me before… I started off my after work evening with Coach Nicole’s 80’s Cardio workout (one of my favorites), followed by time with my Wii Fit. I always cool down with a snowball fight. There’s nothing like knocking the heads off a few snowmen for therapy… LOL! Is that wrong of me to enjoy it??

You know what though? I feel so much better now. I just love Coach Nicole. I love her short, high impact workouts. My brain has been on one of those down talk moments – where I was beating myself up for not getting in “good” workouts. Well, Coach Nicole… thank you for your awesome workouts which I can fit into the windows of time I have… and they feel great! Now, hopefully I’ll have a good nights rest. Sorry for my rambling; but sometimes it helps me get my thoughts together. Let’s see what tomorrow brings… I’m ready!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am sorry to hear about your co-worker!

    My step mom had the cataract surgery and she healed great! I have to admit that eye surgery would scare me too.

    I have been less than active lately, no excuses I no who is at fault, and I am deteremined to get back in the game.

    "Love Coach Nicole"
    2127 days ago

    I'm glad you shared what was going on - and I'm sorry there are so many things on your plate my friend!

    #1 - YOU inspire me with your honesty and your "real life" way of dealing with life. How could that possibly let me (or anyone else) down?

    #2 - Your co-worker sucks. What a crappy thing to do. I wish I could slug him for you with my beastly gym muscles (bet you laughed). HIS issues are not yours, my friend. You were professional and handled this with grace. Well done.

    #3 - I know the situation with DD's coach is killin' you - because I would be exactly the same way (the mama bear in me comes out when it comes to my kids). Maybe the parents can band together and get the offensive family OUT or at least bring them to a reasonable place.

    #4 - When life sends you sideways, always reach for the basics. Coach Nicole works for you. Do your videos and be kind to yourself. The rest will follow.

    #5 - Knocking the heads off of snowmen sounds cool - I want more info emoticon

    Most importantly, be well my friend! Take care of the things that matter - YOU, FAMILY, FRIENDS. The rest goes to the back of the bus.

    Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. Big or small, The Incredible Shrinking Mom (insert heroine music here) is on your side, ready for action!

    2130 days ago
    I swear, you are my long lost sister. Your processing is exactly how I figure out things. I too let things get to me and know I shouldn't. It's hard to stop. I get mad when people don't do or act or be the way I want/need/think they should. Lord knows, I've tried to change enough people in my life that I should have some kind of warning sign or something.

    One of the things that I struggle with the most is people who ruin it for others. Like your DD's team. How come they get to make it hard on everyone else? People like that really burn my... well, you know.

    I've been struggling so much. I'm really good at beating myself up and not saying that it was just a mistake or whatever. Oh no, that mean voice likes to tell me what a horrible person I am. Well, I'm human, that's all I can say to that.

    My heart aches for all you're going thru. Hang in there sister-friend. I'll be praying for you and your family. Hang in there and keep us posted when you can.

    2131 days ago
    Not rambling.. processing outloud. And I totally get it and do it myself!
    That's a whole lot to deal with, and even if you're not doing so super-stellar style right now, you ARE dealing much better than you have in the past. You'll regain your bearings again and be kickin' big bootay again in no time!
    emoticon emoticon
    2131 days ago
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    2131 days ago
    Hi Chris..first off...big hugs!! Second, looks like you are taking things one step at a time. thats a good thing!!
    Now..let me tell you. My mom who is 82 is headed as we speak to have her cataract fixed. she had one eye done a while ago..she was scared and didnt like the idea, even at 82 she works every day and is a graphic designer...her eyes are her livlihood. the first one went so well and she had so much improvement she is going today to have the other one done with no hesitation.
    I dont know if that helps, but i hope it does a little!!!
    hugs again!
    2131 days ago
    It's so good when you can work your problems out OK. My DIL is having big time co-worker probs at the moment and it is just so very stressful.
    2131 days ago
    Wow..your coworker definitely should have talked to you! I'm sorry you had a difficult day. It sounds like you've sorted it out though. I hope your coworker sits down and tells you what was going on as well. emoticon The good thing is that it is over and done with! Hang in there.
    2131 days ago
    I have been having problems with co-workers this year too. I can relate, it is so stressful and time consuming, and really brings your whole day down. Sounds like you have found little steps that work for you!
    2131 days ago
  • CHEROKEE1946
    Sounds like you worked that problem out and good for you.
    2131 days ago
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