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Why do I need plenty of food in the house to feel secure?


Tuesday, May 22, 2012

So things are pretty tight for me this month. The 2 short term/extra income jobs I thought I had lined up this month and was counting on never materialized. Needless to say the larder is pretty bare since this is about the fourth month in a row that I haven't been able to buy more then the basics and replenish the emergency stores. Don't get my wrong, I wont starve before the end of the month, I really don't eat that much now as I did in the passed, but I have recently noticed that when my "emergency" food (canned beans, tuna, condensed soup, frozen veg, etc) start to really disappear I get very anxious/ uncomfortable. I have trouble relaxing and I notice I often tend to have anxiety dreams when it gets this empty.

I don't remember ever going hungry as a child, it's not like I lived through a famine. Sure meals where pretty inconsistent and my parents almost never cooked but I don't remember going hungry. Although I do seem to have repressed a significant amount of the time around when my mom and dad where braking up....

So where exactly is this anxiety coming from? Is it just about the fact that it means I'm broke? Lack of money causes it's own worry. Is it that I've run out of my favorite things? Is it something deeper? A loss of control of my habitat? I'm very protective of my personal space I get nervous when people I don't really trust come into my little home (needless to say I don't entertain much. emoticon). Is that it? Is it just that I feel unprepared?

Even though I *know* I'm not going to go hungry and that there is enough food to last even if my check comes late next month, I can still feel the tension rising in my body when I think about the state of the cupboards, I feel my heartbeat increase and the muscles of my neck and shoulders tense, I feel like a turtle trying to pull it's head back into it's shell. And I'm restless, I can't really get out as much when I'm broke (there are free entertainment things going on in the summer so it's not as bad now). I find myself pacing around feeling trapped. Part of it is the lack of financial security I know, but part of it is definitely the food situation for sure.

Does anyone else fell like this or am I just that screwed up?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
BYEFATNANNY 5/30/2012 3:52PM

    YES I feel this way! You would think I feed a family of 8! (there is only 2 of us) My cupboards are always full and my biggy is the freezer. Makes me sound like a hoarder, far from it, I'm a neat freak. I think mine stems from my college days when my frig WAS empty a lot. Once I "grew up" and started working, I would fill the freezer up. I sometimes feel I do this in preperation in case the day comes that I can not afford it for some reason. I like to think I can "whip" something up a moments notice because I'll have what I need in stock. But I never "whip" anything up on a moments notice since I'm a planner. I think I need to learn to grocery shop at my house before I go buy more. Hang in there with your money issues, I wish you the best that things turn around real soon.

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SNUZSUZ 5/23/2012 7:54PM

    Have you considered gong to a food bank or food closet? there are always quite a few in every town. You just need ID and fill out a little form and your proof or zip code. Some you can to once a month, others more often. But you can go to one a week if you go to different ones. They usually have some staples but they also have fresh veggies in fruit that are in season and tons of bread.Hope this helps:)

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EAGLES_WINGS 5/22/2012 9:47PM

    I can so totally relate. I have the same issues with money and making sure that I have enough food in the house. I am trying to change my diet lifestyle and need to eliminate trigger foods which I occasionally still purchase much to my chagrin. However, old habits die hard. Food addiction is a terrible stronghold. I have learned a little bit about hoarding over the years and that is making sure that the food is always there just in case you want to need it primarily for emotional reasons. There are so many aspects to eating disorders. For me, it seems as if the twists and turns are never ending. When the bottom falls out sometimes I have no idea what I am going to do. But, sometimes the best thing to do is the next right thing. Hang in there and keep fighting the good fight. You can do it! emoticon
We are stronger than we give ourselves credit for.
Keep working through the feelings, eventually things will break open in a manner you never expected. I have had a lot of hurdles in my life which have been very difficult but I always find that I have help from the Lord and the great light of the loving tender kind side of the Universe. Hoping that you find your way!
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Take care of yourself...
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CAPECODLIGHT 5/22/2012 7:50PM

    Your blog struck a chord with me. Financially, I am in decent shape, but I get nervous that I don't have enough food in the house. Now, I make myself look through all the cupboards and fridge to realize that "yes" there are a number of items that I could prepare. So, for me, I guess food is something I've used to calm my anxiety about a variety of things. Hmmm.

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DELHSI 5/22/2012 7:24PM

    Well, I'm like you - money is tight and when I see the cupboard getting bare then it certainly reminds me of that. I too, get anxious when the food starts getting a little less and less. I'm glad summer is coming too. The nice thing about California is that their is a lot of free entertainment available. We have movies in the park and I'm looking forward to doing that (seeing the Muppet's with my son!).

BTW - you look great! I'm so inspired by your changes. Your SW is the same as mine so it helps me to see that I can accomplish my weight loss goals.

~Della

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