Monday, May 21, 2012
This week was pretty much a training failure. I got some pretty terrible news on Thursday that I'm trying to deal with, but the combination of being emotionally exhausted and a sudden 90 degree weekend meant that my desire to try the 14 mile distance yesterday was pretty much rendered out of the question.
Running is an amazing tool for working through all kinds of emotional angst. But there comes a point when sometimes the turmoil and grief of a situation is too much for even a nice, long run to handle. Add to the craziness the fact that Nikhil (my ex boyfriend of 3 weeks) is back in my life as moral support for the time being. And while I appreciate his attention and his concern, it's doing nothing to solidify the break-up, so the weekend was also full of us talking about possibly rekindling the relationship. I feel both like kicking puppies and like a puppy that's been kicked repeatedly at the same time. And now I'm freaking out that I'm not going to be ready to run my Half in another month - which I know is crazy, but my emotions are running wild right now and I'm having trouble controlling the negative thoughts even on the good days.
Reading the above paragraph actually makes me ANGRY. I'm all of a sudden one of those girls that I hate. Drama, drama, drama. Thinking about getting back together with an ex-boyfriend when I would be the first person to tell anyone else to leave what's done alone. My life has become a soap opera in the last couple of weeks and I'm not at all proud of it. I pride myself on my emotional stability. I pride myself on my hard-ass, tough-as-nails, suck-it-up-Princess, and live your life mentality. I deal with stress through getting organized and kicking butt, not losing it in an emotional heap on the floor. This is not me. And yet, I am having the worst time finding the strength to do it any differently. I am feeling broken and beaten down, and these emotions directly contradict the attitude needed to train hard for a 26.2 mile race. What am I going to do?
On the positive side of things, I know I will make it through this. Whatever ends up happening with Nikhil, I will embrace - because I have to. I have to do this for me. And surprisingly, the one thing that I have been pretty consistent with this week is my desire to stay on track with my eating and eating healthy. Despite a couple of small binges here and there, I have done remarkably well for a person who solves her emotional issues with a ton of food. I knew it was too early to celebrate a breaking of the plateau since even with a relatively good week, I was unable to hang on to the loss from last week. But I promised that I would be honest with the scale and record the good and the bad so that I can get a more accurate picture of what the plateau looks like over the long haul. Maybe if I can zero in on a 3-4 week pattern, I can work on attempting to break that the next time around. I am still here. Despite hold-ups and a big dose of LIFE, I am still determined to see to my goals. Today is a new day, this is a new week. And all I can do is give it my best through all of the issues.
I want to try something new this week. It's going to require dedicating more time to my long run, but I think it will be worth it. I'm psyching myself out about the 13.1 distance since I have now attempted to do it two weekends in a row and failed both weekends. I'm obviously shorting out in the mental department, and that's likely not to change for the next few weeks, so I need to figure out how to get my confidence and my positivity back on track and I think I can do that with walking portions of my runs. Like training for my first 5K, I'm going to attempt a 14-15 miler this week with a .5 mile walk every 2 miles. It will serve to bring my heart rate down, conserve my leg energy, give me ample opportunity to hydrate and fuel properly, and prove that I can absolutely do the distance (even if it takes a little longer), hopefully regardless of the temperature outside.
There are more than a few ways to skin a cat. And this kitten still has more than a few lives left. Back on the prowl, right now.
Week 6 Schedule (Completed):
Mon - Rest (work event)
Tue - 3 miles
Wed - Rest (work event)
Thu - 7 miles
Fri - Rest
Sat - 10 mile bike ride, 2 mile walk
Sun - Rest
Total Weekly Miles: 20 (with the 10 from last Sunday - I'm going to switch up my schedule this week to make Monday "Day 1" from now on)
Total Weekly Calories Burned: 3663
Weekly Weigh-In: 185.4
Week 7 Schedule:
Mon - Rest
Tue - 7 miles
Wed - Swim
Thu - 3 miles
Fri - Rest
Sat - 14 miles
Sun - Rest