Monday, May 21, 2012
I have struggled with depression for many years. Two years ago, I stopped taking the meds - I had been on them for 12 years. (I don't recommend doing this without your doctor's help, which I had.)
Here I am at a very different point in my life and I'm feeling those "depression" type symptoms again. I also wonder, if it's just because of the unhealthy state I've let my body get into. I'm only two pounds lighter than the heaviest weight I've ever been in my life. This is a problem.
Fatigue - could be either (depression or weight)
Feels like a cloud behind my eyes making every movement a struggle - sounds more like depression, but really the depression could be symptomatic of my unhealthy state.
My will - I have to fight to make myself do anything. Could be either.
I'm not ready to jump on the meds again. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against them, but I want to make sure that is the right thing to do before I go back.
I'm also in a new place job wise. I resigned my position at the end of February, but agreed to stay and help until they found someone else and I could train them. So that means my last day was last Friday. School doesn't start again until next week, so I'm feeling a little lost. Most people would be thrilled at a week off. I normally would too, but I think it's the major changes in my life that make this adjustment more difficult. It's not like a regular week of vacation. Now add to that the reality that I don't always deal with change well. It's kind of odd, I can't stand routine, but struggle with change - yet I crave change at the same time.
I would normally just ride these symptoms and changes out - probably eating my way through the time, while sitting on the couch watching TV, but this isn't who I want to be anymore. So to make the changes inside of me, I have to figure out how to do that... and it's not as easy as I thought it would be.