Two Weeks of Muddy, Swirling Whirlpool
Sunday, May 20, 2012
I just completed a 2.75 mile walk/run, my first workout in two weeks. Two weeks, people. I've spent two weeks drowning in...okay, I'll admit it. Depression.
Didn't see that one coming. Yet there it is: I have been completely and utterly depressed. DH's horrible mood swings wore me down to numbness. Taking care of him along with my two wonderful kids, and working full-time -- now the only breadwinner in the house -- was too much. And because I had to put up a good front with DH, kids, and work, I had no energy left over for myself.
I didn't care anymore. Go ahead, eat everything, all day long. Don't bother working out. You can't, anyway. You can't leave your kids with your husband because he can't be trusted to take care of them. And frankly, it's just too much work. I was working until 5:00 most days, coming home, having to grocery shop, cook dinner for everyone, deal with "crazy," make sure the kids were reading, doing math, making it to swim lessons, and then doing all the housework, laundry, etc. Once the kids were in bed, I was there for DH, listening to an endless litany of how he's never going to get better, how life wasn't worth living anymore, how no one can help him, how life's not fair... And then I'd go to bed and do it all over again the next day.
So what's different? DH just started a new homeopathic remedy, and I have high hopes pinned on it. I have gotten a better handle on juggling family, work, and housework. (After all, you single parents out there do it every day!) The only wrench in the works is my husband's breakdowns, but I am seeing improvement. On Saturday, I only saw 4-5 hours of "crazy," and today only 2-3 hours of it.
I'm telling you, eliminating Crazytown is doing wonders for my own mental health. You know why I went for a walk/run tonight? Because I finally could! Because my DH wasn't staring blankly out a window or walking around muttering obscenities. (Ah, now you see why I can't leave the kids with him!) But I do think it's getting better. (Please, God, in your mercy and love, send your healing touch our way!)
Thanks for listening, Friends. It's good to be back.