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    REBECCATKD   35,941
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Two Weeks of Muddy, Swirling Whirlpool

Sunday, May 20, 2012

I just completed a 2.75 mile walk/run, my first workout in two weeks. Two weeks, people. I've spent two weeks drowning in...okay, I'll admit it. Depression.

Didn't see that one coming. Yet there it is: I have been completely and utterly depressed. DH's horrible mood swings wore me down to numbness. Taking care of him along with my two wonderful kids, and working full-time -- now the only breadwinner in the house -- was too much. And because I had to put up a good front with DH, kids, and work, I had no energy left over for myself.

I didn't care anymore. Go ahead, eat everything, all day long. Don't bother working out. You can't, anyway. You can't leave your kids with your husband because he can't be trusted to take care of them. And frankly, it's just too much work. I was working until 5:00 most days, coming home, having to grocery shop, cook dinner for everyone, deal with "crazy," make sure the kids were reading, doing math, making it to swim lessons, and then doing all the housework, laundry, etc. Once the kids were in bed, I was there for DH, listening to an endless litany of how he's never going to get better, how life wasn't worth living anymore, how no one can help him, how life's not fair... And then I'd go to bed and do it all over again the next day.

So what's different? DH just started a new homeopathic remedy, and I have high hopes pinned on it. I have gotten a better handle on juggling family, work, and housework. (After all, you single parents out there do it every day!) The only wrench in the works is my husband's breakdowns, but I am seeing improvement. On Saturday, I only saw 4-5 hours of "crazy," and today only 2-3 hours of it.

I'm telling you, eliminating Crazytown is doing wonders for my own mental health. You know why I went for a walk/run tonight? Because I finally could! Because my DH wasn't staring blankly out a window or walking around muttering obscenities. (Ah, now you see why I can't leave the kids with him!) But I do think it's getting better. (Please, God, in your mercy and love, send your healing touch our way!)

Thanks for listening, Friends. It's good to be back.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MONAKIN314 5/22/2012 11:02AM

    Hang in There! emoticon

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GETSTRONGRRR 5/21/2012 8:47PM

    Ouch, that's a whole lot of schizzle to deal with!

Glad you made the break through to realize that taking care of yourself, especially during adversity, is necessary.....find the time, find the will, find the way!

Good on you!

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RABBLERRABBIT 5/21/2012 9:38AM

    When you got the chance to do something for yourself, you did something healthy - that's fantastic. I'm sorry for your troubles and I hope things continue to improve for all of you.

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MATTERJT 5/21/2012 8:09AM

    Hang in there girl. It sounds like things are on the upscale. Good for you for getting in some "me" time. :-)

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ANNIEONLI 5/21/2012 7:04AM

    Oh I'm giving you the prize for "Ugh!" today! No wonder you got depressed! I would be too...I have been too, in fact...it comes and goes depending on how other people behave and what I have to tackle by myself that day. I get it...I get you.

Hang in there...vent away here all you want...we got your ear here...and sometimes, the caregiver is the one person that needs to be heard the most just in order to function correctly and keep things together!
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BEATLETOT 5/21/2012 2:54AM

    Sorry you've been having such a rough go and that husband's not feeling so great right now. I'm glad you got a walk in. I did a little yardwork yesterday to get some activity. I'm totally down for a Ladies' Night sometime...if we're ever in the same place. =)

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CHRISKENANDKIDS 5/20/2012 10:17PM

    Oh man! CALL ME!!!!! I can at least be someone you can talk through things with. Even if you just need me to listen. I'm here. Hugs!

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