The Battle of my Mind and Heart!
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Yesterday was the best day I've had in 5 years or more. Hubby took a day off from golf. We had our CNA/Sitter come in to stay with Mom. Mom decided that she liked her so it would be okay for her to stay while I was gone.
We went over to West Virginia to the Spring Flea Market at the Fairgrounds. There were vendors from all over and it was so crowded. We walked and looked and enjoyed ourselves. We bought several things but didn't go overboard. After that, we went to Magic Mart and looked. I found a blouse on sale and got that.
Hubby treated me to lunch at Long John Silvers. We don't eat out much and I enjoyed the meal.
It should come as no surprise that I have been less than enthusiastic about living healthy here lately. It started last November when the Holidays began. I have been off and on my diet plan since then. I have done well at times and at times have thrown caution to the wind! Mostly it started when my Blood Sugar levels became normal and I relaxed some. Now, I know I wasn't cured but-----for some reason my brain decided that I could start eating junk food again since I was better now.
Last night I went out to cover the tomato plants and just didn't feel right. Very weak, dizzy, out of it. I came in and stuck my finger. It was 97. Now, I'm not sure what that means but I don't think it should be that low at night. I got up this morning and did another fingerstick and it was 117. So I am headed right back into pre-diabetic range. Something I fought so hard to conquer.
I have got to get myself back into the proper mind set and do better. I have gained weight. Weight that I fought so hard to lose. Maybe knowing that occasionally I can have a life outside my home will help. I know what to do. I just have to do it.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
I'm glad you had a nice day but wow, I hope you get back on track soon! I know what it's like to lose motivation - for me, it's usually some sort of depression so exercising on a regular basis for awhile gets me into a frame of mind to eat healthier most of the time. Whatever does it for you - I wish you the very, very best luck!!!
1591 days ago
I am glad you had such a wonderful day with your husband. You certainly deserve it. You certainly deserve to have fun more than once every 4 years.
I don't know why we self-sabotage, when we want something so badly. It seems like I am my own worst enemy. I have been making changes slowly so I don't feel overwhelmed. I try to make it an adventure I enjoy. But sometimes, it is easier to slip back into familiar, comfortable habits. I try to remind myself of how good I feel with my new lifestyle.
Hugs to you!!!
1591 days ago
Your day out yesterday sounds so wonderful! I am glad you were able to get out and enjoy yourself.
It seems that many people on spark, including myself, go through cycles of being motivated and on track, then going through a time of struggling. I am proud of you for hanging in here and still sparking. Everyday is an opportunity for a new beginning, and I hope that this coming week will be a better one for you.
Hang in there - you are so worth it!
1592 days ago
I'm glad you had such a wonderful day away. You deserve that and so much more.
I think sometimes we all just have to do as well as we can and wait for that spark to come back. I have no doubt that the spark will return for you. Just, please, be mindful of your health. Your friends here at Spark People want you around for a good long time.
1592 days ago
When i was first in comntact with you you always had high blood sugars. Now you are having some lows....Did you eat when you had that low? I am assuning that 97 is low......your number system is different than ours is in Canada.
If yiou are going low you are either not eating enough starch to maintain the exercise you are doing, Or you have to adjust your daily calories because of recent weight losses.
I am sure you know this. There is no magic formula for us to know food/exercise/ blood sugar
You did say you were out all day. That is a lot more walking around than you normally did at home. I would hazard the guess that you did not eat enough to sustain the amount of walking around you did.
You will always be diabetic. You cannot ever be totally cured. Your blood sugars will always react, even when you "think" you are cured. You can not be a little bit pregnant, either you are or you are not. Same with diabetes, you either are or you are not,,,,, for the rest of your life. You just have periods of being in total control or not
1592 days ago
I'm so glad you had a nice day, you deserve it! As for the other realization, I like what the other commentor said and I agree with her. I too am going thru a lot of wrong choices and weight gain (read my blog for today) but I have to get ahold of this before things go really bad. I know we can do it, we did it before so we know how but somehow we got off track so now it's time to move on back. Lean on me and I'll lean on you. Together we'll get this done, ;)
1592 days ago
I am happy to hear that you got a day away from your regular routine. I believe such outings are essential – perhaps more so for one who is a caretaker of another.
I believe that most folks have some rough spots along this lifestyle change road. Also, with some success under our belts, it is natural to slip into allowing ourselves to believe we can handle the occasional whatever it was that made it necessary for lifestyle changes in the first place. I now look on that as a lie I willingly told myself. To my chagrin, I found out how easy it is to slip into old bad habits with their not so pleasing results.
The good news is that you have had two wake up calls: the concern with your blood sugar being so low at nighttime & the return of hard lost pounds. These are “good” jolts in that they definitely have clued you in to what comes about when we drop our guard & get lazy about following our programs.
I always question myself with why I sabotage my progress by choosing to stop doing what I know works. Why I choose to slip back into old habits that did nothing but harm.
It has only been over the past four or five weeks that I got back into the groove of doing what I know brings the success I crave. I am craving the success more than the fleeting pleasure of eating the wrong foods for my body.
My prayer for you is that you, too, will return to doing what you know is in your best interest, my SP Friend. It truly is all about choice, you know?
God bless you!
1592 days ago
Comment edited on: 5/20/2012 9:07:10 AM
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