So, the mini-ugh first.
Without getting into all the details, BFE (bestest friend ever) and his recent love-of-his-life are having troubles. Problem is ... if they're fighting and not talking, he turns to me both because he's bored and wants someone to talk to (oh, I feel special now) and because he wants someone to complain and rant to and get commiseration from (whoops ... I don't pick sides).
Which means what little conversation we had this evening ended with him logging off.
What little conversation we had before this latest fight of theirs involved his plans for an outing in which I am supposed to go to a bar with them, all of us drink, all of us get drunk, and call that having fun.
Sadly, this even predates her, but it is becoming more noticeable. We're really close friends in some ways, but far too often he just blithely ignores things I consider part of me. It has to be the worst thing for one of my inner demons - the sense that I keep up so many masks that I never let anyone close enough to really see me.
When you look at me
What do you see?
Do you see me
Or do you only see what I want you to see?
I wrote that many many years ago, long before I'd met him. But it's a recurring theme in my life that even with the people who know me best, they still don't really REALLY know me that thoroughly.
We'll get through it. We've certainly been through a lot already. For now it's just an annoying "UGH" in my life.
Shopping fun? What? Who am I? Okay, okay. So not exactly fun in that sense, but I did get a nice compliment.
Picked up a couple more casual shirts, a couple more workout shirts and pants, and bras.
Ah, back to Lane Bryant to buy more bras.
As expected, my cup size ain't goin' nowhere, but my band size is down another 3 inches. Yeesh. (VERY annoying too. Only some of their styles go this low in band size. And stores that carry the smaller band size almost never carry the cup size. So fairly soon I am likely to be forced to head online in a hunt for good fits.)
So, you know how quite a few stores offer a discount if you apply for (or are accepted for) one of their store cards? I have not had one approve me in years because I had a delinquent student loan from the late 80s in garnishment and my employer was way late on payments. The garnishment stopped in September 2011, my final payment went to them in March 2012. I figured I'd still get turned down.
Approved. For just barely enough to cover my purchases that day after the discounts. Amazing. Of course, I immediately paid the balance on the card while there, too. It's not like I actually planned for or expected to be approved. But it is a very good thing. Why? To rebuild my credit requires having credit. It may be a minor store card, but that's more than having nothing but the student loan show for the next seven years.
So, in talking to the cashier after the approval, I said something to the effect of how I wished their shirts and pants appealed to me more. She just boggled at me and said she didn't even think they had anything small enough for me to wear. I laughed and told her I'd been in 26/28 back in September, and what I had on were 16s from Torrid, but thank you!
So, two parts fun out of that shopping trip.
It was also a reminder that I am wearing XL from normal stores for my workout clothes and the shirts. (Though I do have to be picky about shirts. An XL with buttons down the front will NOT work, nor will an XL in a fabric with no stretch or give in the chest. Oy.) I'm comfortably in 16s from Torrid. One more size down is 14s ... and that actually means back to normal stores for everything but bras. *BOGGLES*
I was going to make it part of this blog, but deciding to write about it tomorrow. Working those workouts. I've been thinking about my mindset about workouts and want to write out what I do, compare back to pre-gym and when I first started at the gym. So tomorrow sometime I'll do that.
In the meantime, I will mention this. Memorial Day (US) is coming up. My gym has flyers up that they'll only be open 8am to 2pm that day. I happen to think I'll be working normal business hours.
Does that derail me? Not at all.
I immediately thought about my options. I could put in a request to take the day off, whether paid or unpaid. Nah, that's being silly. It's sunny later into the evening and my foot has been fine with 5ks on the treadmill. I can go walk the creek trail after work. Then I thought about my roller blades tucked away in a drawer and the fact I still haven't gone ice-skating and the skates are sitting in my room. I have PLENTY of options.
I never once thought of it as a day I wouldn't be able to do a workout. I simply redirected my thoughts and energy toward finding alternative solutions.
I just need to apply that "just do it" mentality to certain other areas in my life (non-food/fitness areas).
Oh, and I will end with a link to a SparkFriend's blog that I just loved reading today. It fits into the idea of redirecting thoughts and energy, though in her case it's about stressful moments: