Saturday, May 19, 2012

well..its about that time. what time you say? time to confront the issues behind my unhealthy relationship with food.

for most of my life i avoided the bigt picture choosing instead to focus on a temporary fix. my weight problems are far deeper than overeating and lack of exercising. my weight problems are supported by a negative self image, lack of self love and respect, lack of confidence, bad habits i picked up as a child, a sendentary lifestyle that I thought was normal, deep hurts i have never confronted.

i remember the first time i was called fat. it was a beautiful day in my front yard one hot summer day. I was playing with my cousin. I had a ball. she wanted it. i said no. she got angry and began to taunt me calling me fat. i dont know why it hurt so much but it was so painful to hear. my little cousin calling my fat....over and over and over and over. so, i took my ball and threw it at her and hit her in her face as hard as I could. i was so very angry....wow. sitting here at 40-ish i can still remember that day quite vividly. she began to scream as the blood flowed from her nose. i took off running. i ran across the street and hid behind the candystore lady's house. my aunt and cousin soon walked down the street to return to their home at my granny's house around the corner. coming out from my hiding place i returned home. no one met me at the door. my mom didnt mention it...no one ever did.
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    Thank you for this blog. God loves you. He is with us each step of the day. You have a challenge to see your goodness. God created you good. Be grateful for Sparkpeople. They can help you. If you think my thoughts are encouraging and a benefit I would love the privilege to be your sparkfriend. Live today knowing you are appreciated for your selfless giving that you have given through this blog.
    With much gratitude,
    2127 days ago
    Thank you so much....your comments mean so much to me!

    2128 days ago
    May God bless your success on this journey we all share. emoticon emoticon
    2128 days ago
    I wish you strength to continue to confront those painful memories, and happiness as you learn to let go, and love yourself.

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    2129 days ago
    Wow. Thanks for sharing that story, made me think back to the first time I remember being called fat and I was shocked at how quickly it came to mind & how I remember every detail of the situation. I never thought about my weight issues quite like that. I commend your honesty & sincerely hope you can get through the underlying issues & get healthy & LOVE yourself!
    2129 days ago
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