Saturday, May 19, 2012
well..its about that time. what time you say? time to confront the issues behind my unhealthy relationship with food.
for most of my life i avoided the bigt picture choosing instead to focus on a temporary fix. my weight problems are far deeper than overeating and lack of exercising. my weight problems are supported by a negative self image, lack of self love and respect, lack of confidence, bad habits i picked up as a child, a sendentary lifestyle that I thought was normal, deep hurts i have never confronted.
i remember the first time i was called fat. it was a beautiful day in my front yard one hot summer day. I was playing with my cousin. I had a ball. she wanted it. i said no. she got angry and began to taunt me calling me fat. i dont know why it hurt so much but it was so painful to hear. my little cousin calling my fat....over and over and over and over. so, i took my ball and threw it at her and hit her in her face as hard as I could. i was so very angry....wow. sitting here at 40-ish i can still remember that day quite vividly. she began to scream as the blood flowed from her nose. i took off running. i ran across the street and hid behind the candystore lady's house. my aunt and cousin soon walked down the street to return to their home at my granny's house around the corner. coming out from my hiding place i returned home. no one met me at the door. my mom didnt mention it...no one ever did.