Friday, May 18, 2012
My own mind is my biggest enemy. That and procrastination. It is so hard for me to overcome the negative self-talk sometimes. Or the complete lack of motivation when I am feeling stress.
I only went to the gym once this week? I could have gone more, but I didn't. Today was especially silly to skip because I didn't have to pick my little one up from her father until 8pm. What was I thinking?! I'm kicking myself now, of course, because I don't know if I'll even have a chance to go tomorrow. Ugh.
I'm stressed with the upcoming wedding. That stress is fairly mild, because it is a very small affair, but still, there is stress associated with it. Especially psychological stress because this is my second marriage. I'm also stressed about deciding what to do about grad school. I've gone back and forth between plans so many times, and now I think that I'm going to try and bite the bullet and apply to law school for 2013. It's terrifying - the cost, the time commitment, not being able to work for at least the first year. I'm not young, in comparison, to the general law school population. I have a child. I'm a real grown up who has been working in the real world for a long time. But, I really want to do this. So, we'll see.
I tend to over think things. I focus on the whole picture instead of one step at a time. I'm already worried about finding a job as an attorney that will pay enough for us to live on comfortably (not lavishly by any means). I haven't even taken the LSAT's yet. YIKES! I need to slow down.
I think this is part of the problem I have in getting healthy too. I get overwhelmed, and then I throw in the towel. I need to remember to take it one day at a time, one meal at a time, one workout at a time. I need to not give up when I feel like I've failed. Every meal is a new opportunity to eat better. Every day there will be an hour to sneak off to the gym, even if it's after the munchkin is in bed for the night and my sweet fiance is just hanging out and relaxing after another exhausting day at work.
I need to come back and read this blog when I'm feeling stressed about things. I have fruit in the fridge that I can have for breakfast. I have salad and grilled chicken that I can have for lunch. I can make good decisions tomorrow. I don't have to keep beating myself up. I WILL DRINK MY WATER TOMORROW EVEN IF I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO DROWN IN IT!
I need to lose this weight. I need to be healthy so that I can live long enough to play in the yard (of my future house) with my great grandchildren. I need to not let this beat me. I've fought for so much in my life - my education and my life after an abusive marriage most notably. I need to fight for my health too. (Oh, and for a KILLER score on the LSATs!).