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    KENDAL0525   6,273
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Fizzling out already?

Friday, May 18, 2012

My own mind is my biggest enemy. That and procrastination. It is so hard for me to overcome the negative self-talk sometimes. Or the complete lack of motivation when I am feeling stress.

I only went to the gym once this week? I could have gone more, but I didn't. Today was especially silly to skip because I didn't have to pick my little one up from her father until 8pm. What was I thinking?! I'm kicking myself now, of course, because I don't know if I'll even have a chance to go tomorrow. Ugh.

I'm stressed with the upcoming wedding. That stress is fairly mild, because it is a very small affair, but still, there is stress associated with it. Especially psychological stress because this is my second marriage. I'm also stressed about deciding what to do about grad school. I've gone back and forth between plans so many times, and now I think that I'm going to try and bite the bullet and apply to law school for 2013. It's terrifying - the cost, the time commitment, not being able to work for at least the first year. I'm not young, in comparison, to the general law school population. I have a child. I'm a real grown up who has been working in the real world for a long time. But, I really want to do this. So, we'll see.

I tend to over think things. I focus on the whole picture instead of one step at a time. I'm already worried about finding a job as an attorney that will pay enough for us to live on comfortably (not lavishly by any means). I haven't even taken the LSAT's yet. YIKES! I need to slow down.

I think this is part of the problem I have in getting healthy too. I get overwhelmed, and then I throw in the towel. I need to remember to take it one day at a time, one meal at a time, one workout at a time. I need to not give up when I feel like I've failed. Every meal is a new opportunity to eat better. Every day there will be an hour to sneak off to the gym, even if it's after the munchkin is in bed for the night and my sweet fiance is just hanging out and relaxing after another exhausting day at work.

I need to come back and read this blog when I'm feeling stressed about things. I have fruit in the fridge that I can have for breakfast. I have salad and grilled chicken that I can have for lunch. I can make good decisions tomorrow. I don't have to keep beating myself up. I WILL DRINK MY WATER TOMORROW EVEN IF I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO DROWN IN IT!

I need to lose this weight. I need to be healthy so that I can live long enough to play in the yard (of my future house) with my great grandchildren. I need to not let this beat me. I've fought for so much in my life - my education and my life after an abusive marriage most notably. I need to fight for my health too. (Oh, and for a KILLER score on the LSATs!).

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
IMSOOZEEQ 6/15/2012 9:23PM

    Breathe!! You are right about needing to slow down. Don't try to tackle everything at once. When I get overwhelmed like that, I take some time to journal my thoughts. It helps to get them out so they aren't bombarding me all the time. It also helps me develop a plan. It might not be in the first sitting or even the second but with things on paper, they are easy to review, rethink, scramble around, re-evaluate, and put plans into action.


emoticon I am here if you need some support!


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TAMMIEANN76 5/21/2012 12:00PM

    You've talked yourself right into your own answer! (I think a lot of us do that when we blog because we are feeling less than perfect in our regimen.) Slow down, figure out what needs to come first and do that, each day!

emoticon emoticon

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FITKITTYMAMA 5/19/2012 12:25PM

    It sounds like you know what you need to do, now you just need to make sure you do it!
This blog sounds a bit like I used to when I worried about every little thing and beat myself up over everything. I still find myself doing it every once in a while and just the other night I had to talk myself down and realize that I had 20 minutes to do yoga with my roommate because none of the other things I was stressing over getting done were even important.
You can do this, believe in yourself!!

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ESMOMMY13 5/19/2012 11:05AM

    "My own mind is my biggest enemy." I so understand that. It is mine too. My thoughts can go wild and driving me bananas. It can also send me into a depression that usually starts up my binge eating. I find that having someone to motivate you when you are not looking for it helps. I work out with a lady at work. After school (we work at a middle school) we go and do some exercises before our children get out of school (our children are in elementary school). My friend is very good about pushing and encouraging me to keep going. We make fun of her being a drill sergent but it has kept me going and now after over a year of working out together I am starting to feel more positive and not so negative.

It sounds to me that you are a perfectionist. I am one. When I finally realized this about myself it was like a new me was created. I now don't look at trying to be perfect with my food, exercise and so forth. When I mess up (don't exercise or overeat a meal or whole day) I don't beat myself up about it.

I think you are putting to much pressure on yourself. What is one thing you want to change? Work on that one thing. Make it a goal for a week or longer. Once you have that down, start something else. We can not change our lives overnight and have to take one thing at a time. This goes for food, exercise, LSAT's (I am sure you will do fine) and law school. FYI, my brother-in-law has his law degree and has not been able to get a job with any law firm. Doesn't help that he lives in a rural community. Instead he is starting out on his own. It is my sister who supports them (they don't have children). Maybe one day he will be making big bucks as a lawyer as well as you too but I am a firm believer in doing something you love and not how much it pays. Again I am a teacher. I couldn't tell you the last time I have had a pay raise and my pay is no where near the national average as a 12 year teacher. If I worried about the money I wouldn't be in my job. Focus on what you love and passionate about and all will work out.

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KJOETIEPAAI 5/19/2012 8:43AM

    you write in this blog, not only the problem, but also the solution...

don't change everything at once... You don't have to be perfect, neither does your wedding, your household.... Only start this education when you feel good about it instead of another stresspoint.

Every moment is a moment to start new. This week I didn't even go once to the gym... and I did have the time. So a lousy decision and now moving on... Can't do anything about it now, can I. Sure, I feel stupid, but well, we are approaching another week, where I can make good choices... and bad ones too, but there's room to grow.

maybe a good thing for you is to work at your problems like they are projects. You work out steps and then you can prioritise them. Then you know wich steps to taken when and it won't be a whole sh*tload of steps to take....

good luck to you!!!

just enjoy yourself and your child and your husband to be... do you have to do this weddingplanning all by yourself? Just give him some tasks too. It's the wedding of both of you!

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JAIRIE813 5/19/2012 8:20AM

    Take your own advice and slow down. Rome wasn't built in a day! Neither will you lose the weight or get through law school. You are adding extra worry that you don't have to have.

Don't stress about the wedding! If you know in your heart this is right for you then approach everything to do with it with joy. Enjoy it and the fact that you are starting this wonderful new chapter in your life.

Don't stress about school! If this is what you want to do, make it happen. Don't worry right now about finding a good enough job when you get out--there is always a job for an attorney!--concentrate on getting things set up to go to law school first.

Don't stress about the exercise! Yes, try to go to the gym if you can but, if you can't, don't beat yourself up. There are some great workout videos on this site that you can do at home--try those.

You have what you need to eat right, use it. If the water is hard for you to drink, try some flavoring. I recently started using Mio in my water every now and then. Something like that can help if you don't like drinking plain water.

Whatever you do, DON'T GIVE UP!! You are too important to give up on! Keep your head up and keep moving forward!!
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Comment edited on: 5/19/2012 8:20:59 AM

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