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The Path To The Holy Grail- Regaining Emotional Balance Part 3 of 5 - Self Talk

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Friday, May 18, 2012

Your mind is the most powerful computer on the planet. We only use a fraction of its capacity. This seat of emotions is the throne room where decisions are influenced and made for good or bad. Humanity, for all of its learned study, has yet to comprehend its capabilities. What we allow to reverberate within its walls will ultimately determine whether we succeed or fail.

Regulating your self talk is not just some feel good non sense devised just to fill some space in a book.  Brainwashing and mental torture techniques rely on repetitious reciting until we either go crazy, or succumb to the will of the "programmer". Your mind is like an off road forest trail that trucks take. The more times a vehicle  passes over that area, the deeper the ruts become until the path is so rutted that even though you try to avoid it, your vehicle gets sucked into the ruts and you are stuck.  By allowing the negative self talk to remain, our mental thought processes automatically fall into the rut of self defeat. We are unconsciously programming ourselves for failure. Our thoughts guide our decisions, decisions create actions and actions create destiny. We are what we repeatedly do.  While training for my first marathon, I learned that my mind typically gives out long before my body is truly ready to give up. In short, I found that I am much stronger that I thought I was...and so are you.

Be careful of your self talk. As insignificant as it may seem, how you talk to yourself sets the tone of your internal environment. In this environment lies the seat of emotions and produces great influences upon our decision making thus the birth of the self fulfilling prophecy. Even as harmless as ''i was bad" ie... I ate a donut at work today, can be a drain on your enthusiasm. Since when did we place moral value on a pastry as if consuming one will brand us with the "Scarlet Letter"? The journey is difficult enough as it is without being your own saboteur. Setting such high standards for yourself, I will never eat those... is setting yourself up. Rather, try saying to yourself "I avoid donuts because it is not in my best interests to eat one at this time". To say that you will NEVER eat one is unrealistic at best.

 You are better off to never make such a declaration, than to make one and never live up to it. Your heart will hold you accountable.  Each time a self declared proclamation is violated, something in your faith gets chipped away until you don't take yourself seriously anymore.  Soundness of resolve dies, is buried, and yet another attempt to live a healthy life rots away, then is quickly forgotten to dull the pain. 

Failed expectations exact a high emotional price.

I try to make it a point to encourage myself with all of the accomplishments, both big and small, and tell myself that I have what it takes.  It may seem kinda silly but it helps create an environment inside where, instead of dwelling on my failures, I feed on my successes.  "Robert, you got out there and ran after work today, dude,  you we so tired but you did it" , "nice job walking away from that pile of munchies", or "it wasn't the workout you envisioned, but you still fulfilled your commitment, nice job man". When I first started this journey,  my self talk was literally peppered with words like dummy, stupid, idiot and so on.  My soul was so filled with hatred for what I had become that I couldn't speak peaceably to myself.  There were those in my life that used those words toward me on a routine basis and I think it got embedded.

It is so important to love yourself right where you are at. You are not stupid, a dummy, or an idiot. You are a unique individual with special gifts and talents that only you can give. You are important right now, not will be once you lose 50 pounds.  It is such a shame that our society is so appearance crazed that a persons worth is judged by how closely they conform to some airbrushed super model.

Loving yourself where you are at is one of the first steps to creating an environment of emotional stability that will allow you to progress in your weight loss journey and it will nourish you during the tough times when you need strength for the day.

Next In Series- Emotional balance part 4 - Realistic weight loss goals

 Introduction To Series:

So far we have reviewed the following paths to emotional stability,
1) Journey To The Root Of The Problem

2) Developing A Logical Relationship With The Scale


Member Comments About This Blog Post:
JULSY_BEAR 4/8/2013 4:44PM

  This is something that I struggle with on the daily. I am so glad that i came across this blog and your words of wisdom. Thanks you so mush for the inspiration to be nice to myself. My eyes are now open. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are AWESOME! Keep up the great blogs. emoticon

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ALIDOSHA 10/17/2012 5:15PM

    A precious investigation, insight and guide. Thank you ever so much!

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ADVENTURE-GIRL 7/2/2012 1:34AM

    Love the positive message here :)

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NIGHTOCUPS 6/21/2012 10:59AM

    Thank you again for your wise thoughts. They are an encouragement to everyone.

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GINIEMIE 6/9/2012 10:23AM

    So I can do this. I did a good job getting out and swimming today, even though I would have rather slept in. I made it to the 1/2 hour mark.....OK. Restart programming, will take time but it can be done. Thanks Robert.
emoticon emoticon

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TEXASFILLY 6/5/2012 10:16PM

    "It is so important to love yourself right where you are at." This is right on, Robert. It's called acceptance. Until I can accept myself as I am, the battle wages. Thanks for such an AWE~some message. *hugs* BB~ emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BEAUTY_WITHIN 6/5/2012 6:01PM

    This post nearly had me in tears. I really don't censor how I talk to myself, and now that I think about it, a lot of it isn't very nice. Thanks for pointing this out! This is something I will definitely be working on!

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CHIPLEY_FL 6/2/2012 8:49AM

    another home run. thanks

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NIMAWEYGH 6/1/2012 8:28PM

    What an insite. I never figured that negitive self talk could be so distracting and hurtful. Awesome blog.

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2WHEELER 6/1/2012 11:06AM

    Right on target!! Training myself to think positively has been a much more difficult challenge than the physical training for running or cycling. Keeping a positive outlook does make a difference. Lately I've been hill climbing on the bike, something I ausually avoid. Thinking "I can do it or that hill's not so big" has often made the difference between having a satisfying or disappointing ride. The ruts are deep, but they are slowly getting filled in.

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TERESANAVARRO 5/31/2012 4:06PM

    thank you. for me, it's not just the weight. I've somehow gotten to the point where I feel like a weak, dorky person not worthy of my own or anyone else's friendship. I need to remind myself that I wasn't always this person - that I had friends who really loved me and I loved them and myself. I used to be fun. I want to be that person again. No matter what size I am.

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LATVIAN_SANDY 5/30/2012 11:12AM


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ZENSTEPH 5/29/2012 3:12PM

    Thank you! I am here today because yesterday I walked for about 2 hours then came home and ate a whole carton of ice cream. It made me feel terrible-both physically and emotionally. Today I am trying to move towards what I want, and further away from what I don't want

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SAPUTO 5/29/2012 7:22AM

  I feel like I just got a new best Thanks for reminding me that no matter how many times I fall getting up and going on is the life I will have. So, today I will be kinder to myself. After all, am pretty awesome just the way I am.

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TRAVELNISTA 5/28/2012 4:05PM

    Just an emoticon blog! I have a positive self chat with myself every morning looking in the mirror as I brush my teeth. It really does work. emoticon emoticon

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JEANNINEMM68 5/27/2012 6:34PM

    I have accomplished so much in my life that I never thought possible and still I engage in negative talk. It is important that I focus on my triumphs and forgive and move on from the "mistakes" that I feel that I have made. thank you for helping me realize that everyone has these problems and that I am not alone.

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GIHUTSON 5/26/2012 7:59AM

    "Our thoughts guide our decisions, decisions create actions and actions create destiny."
I like that !!

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WHITEANGEL4 5/24/2012 9:22PM

    Great blog, wonderfully stated

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SUPERSYLPH 5/23/2012 8:35PM

    All I could say is: Exactly!

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WILMA42 5/22/2012 8:13PM

    Robert :

Loved the blog but especially where you say " You are important right now, not will be once you lose 50 pounds."

I joined a YMCA program called smallest loser & it has been wonderful experience - even though I have lost onl about 8 pounds of the 15-20 I set as a goal, I have gained so much -- learning to love myself and accept myself as I am - all aspects --has really been powerful.

I plan to continue my journey because that is what life is about -- continuing to challenge myself to live each day in the best way I can

I am committed to continuing to track food, exercise routinely and make sure I take the time to take care of me -- its still a challenge & maybe it always will be

I am grateful for the support you are sending via your blog & hope you continue to have a great journey that you are willing to share with those of us a few paces behind :)

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JEANNETTE59 5/22/2012 12:31PM

  emoticon thanks so much for sharing both your physical and emotional journey.

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~INDYGIRL 5/22/2012 8:29AM

    WOW! I totally agree and you put it so eloquently.

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NIGHTSKYSTAR 5/22/2012 6:19AM

    Couldnt agree more with you!!

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  I totally agree that the battefield of the mind is where the hardest fight is fought. Who wants to be their own causualty? And yet, we do it to ourselves, unless we INTENTIONALLY do the opposite, as you said. We need to re wallpaper our minds, tear down the negative self talk and lies we tell ourself, and rewallpaper it with encouragement and a Can Do It attitude. It is a constant process, daily, sometimes hourly for me. But it is the one that makes all the difference - it's the reason you do end up exercising when you don't feel like it or not giving into that craving when you feel weak. Our reality is 90 percent our own perception of it, and the power lies with us to control that.

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GRANDMA_SANDY48 5/22/2012 2:13AM

    Thank you. Particularly for the words loving yourself now - now when you have lost 50 lbs. emoticon

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FUZZYBEEZ 5/21/2012 11:40PM

    Thank you for this blog. It truely opened my eyes to myself, the current myself that is. The one that is important RIGHT NOW. Your blog brought me to tears as I read through it and realized I'm at the point in my journey where I'm trying to rebuild that rutted road into something better, and I'm important!

Thank you for finding the right words to reach me and many others.

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1DRWOMAN 5/21/2012 9:25PM

    wonderfully refreshing :) Thank you!

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LUPINA2 5/21/2012 8:26PM

    Awesome blog emoticon

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MSTAPLE1 5/21/2012 7:39PM

  Great blog!!!

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UNDO44 5/21/2012 6:51PM

    Thank you so much for writing this! When I first started reading I thought "of course" and "that is so obvious" but while what you're saying is clearly common sense, I forget all the time to stay positive. I'm going to have setbacks on my journey, and this is difficult enough without ME telling MYSELF that I failed or am an idiot or beating myself up for giving in to a craving. Thanks again!

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HIGHNOON 5/21/2012 4:35PM

  emoticon emoticon


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JUNEBUG4967 5/21/2012 3:19PM

    Fabulous! This especially is needed for hubby- only he won't look at SP. I've been with Flylady since late 2006 and have rid myself of a lot of that trash talking. His problems are both physical and mental. I still have to focus on doing things for me rather than let stuff pile up. I have been on this challenge for spring bootcamp and have been surprised at how well I have done. Not the dreaded "P" word but well enough to feel a difference. Great blogs! I may end up moving them to a file on my computer so I can save them to refer back to at later times.

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BMCKEOW1 5/21/2012 2:54PM

    Thanks for sharing and your right. I'm not always getting this right, but I working on it. Saying never is a big thing, I try to say I probably won't. Leaves the door open and I don't feel so terrible if I do, do something. Love the blog.

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JANLUCY 5/21/2012 1:53PM

  emoticon blog. Thanks!

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BOBBI2POINT0 5/21/2012 12:08PM

    Thanks for sharing!

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AMALYDAVIU 5/21/2012 12:07PM

    THANK YOU VERY HELPFUL."It is so important to love yourself right where you are at. You are not stupid, a dummy, or an idiot. You are a unique individual with special gifts and talents that only you can give. You are important right now, not will be once you lose 50 pounds. It is such a shame that our society is so appearance crazed that a persons worth is judged by how closely they conform to some airbrushed super model. " emoticon

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TINKRTOY 5/21/2012 12:00PM

  Very inspiring. I'm new to posting here and I really needed this today. I'd had 5 weeks of doing really really good. I had not had any alcohol in that time, which is huge for me. Last Saturday, May 12th, I 'fell off' and proceeded to 'be bad' all week, up until even this morning. I beat myself up every day and that just made it worse. Thank you for your blogs, I've grasped onto everything you've shared today and can already feel me letting myself off the hook for my slips.

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IDAHOFLOWER 5/21/2012 11:22AM

    I been working not being so negitive
to my self. So true we are worth it. emoticon

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AGINNETT 5/21/2012 10:49AM

    I never realized how much stinkin' thinkin' was influencing me until I started trying to replace it with positive words. It made a huge differenece and I found myself going further than I thought I could.
thanks for the great blog posts.

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IMIN2GENES 5/21/2012 10:45AM

    *sigh* Queen of the negative self talk here... I think my internal name is idiot. This is a lesson I really need to take to heart and something I really needed to hear. Thanks!

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DJ1SKYWALKER 5/21/2012 8:49AM

    Thank you! I am so guilty of trashy self talk :-( This will will help a lot!

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CAROLZ1967 5/21/2012 7:21AM

    Love your insight once again! I think our brain- having the right outlook, self-talk, etc. is just as important in our weight loss journey as the other pieces, our eating and exercising.

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CM_GARDNER78 5/21/2012 12:05AM

    I always thought that positive self-talk was ridiculous. I didn't think that it would matter.......but I think you are absolutely right. I think that if I could talk better to myself, I would feel the worth in doing most things - and that I am WORTH doing most things. Great and thought-provoking. Can't wait to read more!

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CHOOSE2BELIEVE 5/20/2012 11:41PM

    emoticon emoticon

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CAROL494 5/20/2012 11:27PM

  emoticon emoticon

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SONYALATRECE 5/20/2012 9:44PM

    Thanks for sharing your insight with the Sparkworld!

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CATIATM 5/20/2012 8:55PM

    One of the best things I ever learned on this journey is that the physical is just a manifestation of the mental and emotional. You are so right - garbage in -- garbage out!

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LIV2RIDE 5/20/2012 8:53PM

    Negative self talk is something I struggle with every day. My yoga practice is actually helping me accept where I am today and loving me even though I'm not perfect.

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JULIA1154 5/20/2012 8:04PM

  Thank you!

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LOVEXAVIE 5/20/2012 7:44PM

  I don't know which I like more: the content of your blogs or the fact that you want to bless so many by sharing them.

Hey, it's ALL good!

Thanks for being such a sharing, inspirational Sparker.


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