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Stress, resentment, attitude and perspective

Thursday, May 17, 2012

I seem to have "stress" in most of my blogs lately. It is primarily focused around work ... about which I could blog and blog and blog and blog and never unload it all.

In any case, my attitude sucks rocks and I know it. I also know I am responsible for my attitude - 100% in control over my attitude. Can't change my boss, the people I work with, the circumstances they all create. But I can change how I think about it all and how I respond.

I have gotten stuck in resentments toward the people involved and man oh manischewitz I am good at rehearsing resentments. And by "good" I , of course, mean "bad".

I tell my counseling clients that none of us can change others and thinking those others "should" be different is unrealistic. Hello? Counselor, counsel thyself! So resentment is really, really irrational, eh? Uh, yeah!

Resentment, I tell clients, is a combination emotion, made up of at least two feelings: always anger plus guilt, shame and/or fear. There was once a comedian who fractured the English language a lot and said in his routine, "I resemble that remark." So I say to clients that "resentment always has a component of resemblance." What that means is that I am angry at the people I resent AND I feel guilt, shame and fear about my part in the situation as well. Imagine the blogs I could write about what THAT has gotta be about, eh?

Not today, however. Maybe someday. For right now, I know I must adjust my perspective on work, the boss, the company, the politics and the whole situation AND most importantly, my realistic role in all of the above. I know for a fact that when any human being is up over their eyeballs in a situation, their perspective is useless. I have myself up over my eyeballs in all this work garbanzo. Somehow I gotta get my perspective cleared up cuz all I can see from down here is sticky, brown gunk ...

And of course I am fighting all sortsa cravings and urges for food and struggling with short bouts of caving in. All relatively quite healthy stuff but in amounts that are nonsense. I think they call that emotional eating, eh? No huge damage but it always freaks me out when it gets me and provokes shame and guilt and fear. BUT I also got mad this time. I don't quite have a target for my anger at this point, which is actually a good sign, cuz I'm NOT mostly mad at myself. I think I am just starting to get my eyeballs above the brown gunk ... I am angry that I am IN this situation and I WANT to get unstuck from the resentment.

I am not clear on all my real-world options at this point but I do know I need to work on my attitude and perspective, manage the stress better and ditch the dang resentments.

I am also considering challenging myself to a 100-day Spark Streak of staying within my calorie range in order to focus my intent in my Spark program. Like, I am not gonna let the work issues pollute my efforts to change my wellness lifestyle. Over that, I also have complete control. I can choose to take hold of a challenge and strive to reach a goal. Even if the work issues are too complex to shake free of at this point, I sure can rattle my Spark program up a bit. Might help my confidence as well, which might criss-cross over to giving me a boost with the work issues ...

So, as always, here I am venting and thinking out loud and trying to process real life and Spark life in electronic form. Thanks for "listening". I am gonna go lift weights now!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKFRAN514 5/20/2012 10:17PM

    After reading all the comments from other Spark members i could not think of anything more to add. its hard to do when people tell to to just deal with you have to be there 8 hours and go home. We all seem to take the stress home with us and take it out on our family or eat.
I ate when i had a stressful job and when it got to the point i felt i would do more than eat and needed to quiet the did it for me so .... I was upset at first and then decided it was the best thing that happened to me as i had watched then slowly get ride of people who had been working their for years one friend was going on year 25!!! the saying what goers around comes around it just takes time. i learned by the grape vine all the ones who set us up to fail were then set up to fail them selves within 8 months ! i am mow retired and thinking back felt like you i wanted to change things i couldn't and needed to remember to could change some things and do that ant the things i couldn't accept and move on. good luck on the 100 day challenge you can do it
. I am working on Mindless eating so know how you feel dealing with cravings
we can do this as a team thankfully we are not alone in this battle as you see by the blog response and support.Please keep us informed how thing go
Fran

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TEXASFILLY 5/19/2012 11:11AM

    Resentment is a hallmark of stinkin' thinkin' that you must work to banish. For me, to banish resentment I shift my focus from a "poverty" mentality to one of gratitude. When I am thankful for what I have, then stinkin' thinkin' loses its power. Love the idea of a 100~day challenge. If you need a SP buddy for that~ I'm up for it as my food has been up and down these past few weeks. Keep on keepin' on~ *hugs* BB~ emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/19/2012 11:12:50 AM

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SUECHRIS50 5/18/2012 10:18PM

    Resentment is quite powerful huh?I wish I could say I have none but,I would be lying.I know people that have reached their goals and I keep rowing my boat backwards and falling short.Just when I get close to the finish line?A giant hand(food,injury)reaches out and pulls me back!!!I get resentful of others for winning though im happy for them!Sound jealous?I guess i am!I adore your honesty so,hang on we are getting there together! emoticon

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AUNTB63 5/18/2012 11:31AM

    Challenging yourself to a Spark streak is a fantastic idea....concentrating on what you have control over rather that what you don't have control over will empower you to cope with those "other" unpleasant things. So proud of you for coming to this conclusion. You could just throw up your hands. but you are willing to make a difference in your own well being.....doing a happy dance for this one. Hope your weekend is a good one. I'm going to be planting again today, but than "resting" on the weekend. Saturday meeting up with some friends for a late lunch/early dinner and Sunday going to watch the rain come down....as they say there could be storms coming through in the afternoon. Take care, my friend, and we are here for you......even if it is to rant..... emoticon

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LMGBRIAN 5/17/2012 8:56PM

    Hey, we could all use a little counseling weather it comes from ourselves or some one else. I like how you applied what you know to do a little self examination... and i like even more how you shared it with us, You are right we each get bogged down with things that we cant control but we can always control how we react to it. I too often find myself holding on to resentment and disappointment. I've recently started looking at work as a temporary situation. I have to make it threw 8 hours at a time and I wont be there forever.... Ill be moving to another state when i get married. But I also am happy I have a job not everyone is so lucky. :-) I have had some disappointments lately as I try to prepare to plan a wedding with little or no money. I know ill have to be creative and call in favors but each time I hear no from some one I feel stressed because i have known that a lot of my ideals were dependent on cost and peoples willingness to help...But No means regrouping and gathering new ideals I'm getting used to No's but they make the Yes's so much more special. I think that your moving in the right direction by taking the focus off the things you cant control and bringing it back around to you. I think a challenge is a great way to do this. I'm currently doing 50 crunches a day for 50 days I started may 1st. Remember no mater what you decide to do to celebrate your successes. Hang in there your showing grate personal growth and striving for health is a very rewarding process. Best of luck!

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