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On the cusp of 60 pounds down

Thursday, May 17, 2012

I'll be taking and putting up my 8-months along picture tonight after I get home from the gym. Tempted as I may be, I won't flex these biceps because then the pictures wouldn't match.


Having gotten close to 190, I'm suddenly thinking way back and remembering little things. See, up until a little over a dozen years ago when I made the screwy decision to gain weight, my "I'll never get heavier than" number was 200.

I was 150 in my junior year of high school, without any real excess on me. (I might edit this blog or add another with some really old pictures of me, in fact.) The reason I remember 150 so well was my driver's ed teacher talked about blood alcohol levels and the effect of our weight on how much we could drink and be in range. He asked if anyone weighed 150 and I answered that I did. Sure, there were some who were shocked. Girls weren't supposed to be willing to admit how much they weighed, for one, but I wasn't chubby at all and I really truly had no consideration about my weight at that point.

I did gain weight once I was living on my own. I'm sure the 32-64 oz of soda amongst other things helped. Not a lot of weight, though. I remember 160-165 being my usual range and mostly be annoyed by the small bulge of my belly. Amusingly, this was the only time I did things like wear those shape-enhancing girdle contraptions or control-top pantyhose.

The next time I remember actually having a known number was late 1988. I had done the ASVAB (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery) because I really didn't know what sort of career path I wanted to take and figured that a test that told me where my aptitudes were could point me in the right direction. Going over the results, I could choose any branch, any field (so much for narrowing my choices) ... but I was 5-10 pounds over their top limit for my height and would need to lose that to join. Turns out I was a couple months pregnant already at that point but didn't know yet. I don't remember the number, but I think it was 175.

The next number was the day before DDb was born (that same first pregnancy). I was two weeks late, she was definitely big, and they were talking about inducing labor. I weighed in at just under 200 (198 or 199). I think this is where my stated limit of 200 came from. If an 8 pound 15 ounce baby couldn't knock me over 200, I could definitely get active or eat better to keep my weight below it otherwise.

From the time I met my EX (probably around 165) until we were divorced (probably around 180-185), my weight mostly fluctuated depending on such things as when I had a car and when I didn't, whether I belonged to a gym or had time to take off and go hiking, pregnancy gains and losses, and the like.

There were a few times in those years that I considered diets or other things, but I'm a skeptic - particularly of any form of marketing. The moment any ad or food product included "along with a healthy diet and exercise", I refused to consider it. I already knew that healthy diet and exercise would help me drop the weight, so what benefit was the product? If the product actually DID anything, I wouldn't need to change how I eat or work out. (Thankfully I did listen enough to improve what I ate and work out more ... for a while each time. Never a diet, but enough healthier behavior to stay a good ways under 200.)


Honestly, it was that stubborn streak of mine and attitude about advertising "promises" that were usually lies that saved me from the Yo-Yo dieting nightmare.

After making my screwy decision, I gradually gained over the years - seeing 195, passing 200, seeing 210 for a while, passing 225 and sitting at 230, eventually hitting my high of 250.5 when I started here. I weighed periodically, and recorded them over the years in various places without really worrying about the number.

I've mentioned it elsewhere, but I pulled out my state ID card the other day - I'm the loon who lied UP about my weight. It says Wt: 255. I never weighed that much. I got this ID over 6 years ago - when I was more commonly in the 225 range. By some old records, I was fairly steady around 235 - 240 in late 2010 to early 2011.

Soooooo, what I've been realizing is that I'm actually below the Start Point of my deliberate gain now. I see myself in the mirror and I'm seeing two things at once.

One is how much slimmer I look. Side views, front-on views. I definitely have less gut and less hips. Those are two that are super obvious. Even away from the mirror I notice little things. My DDa and I were noticing that I look like I have bonier wrists than her - even though I'm carrying more fat. It even feels bonier, like a thin layer of skin wrapped around there and nothing under but bone. Shaving my legs gives me a lot of visual reminders of how they're changing. I laugh to say I can actually FIND my hip bones now. Yes, they were there before but under a thick enough layer I felt like I was digging around to decide where my hips where. They're still under some fat, but it doesn't take much to find the edge.

The other is how far I still have to go. I'm at the upper end of what used to be my "I'm fat" compared to my "I'm normal, if a little chubby", and I'm seeing and remembering that. This is a weight that would, in the far distant past, have me walking more and eating less sweets - my standard of non-diet normal behavior when I saw my weight creep up. One of the things I mentioned above had recently come to mind - that it was only when I was thinner that I used body-shaping clothing. I have no real desire to right now, but it came to mind seeing a body in the mirror that in the past I would have squeezed into smaller, tighter clothes.

IMPORTANT: No, I don't feel bad seeing that I still have a "long" ways to go. Self-esteem or body image have never really been a problem. Even the girdles were more about fitting into existing clothes than looking skinnier. All I'm talking about here is seeing things like the roll that shows up if I slouch or feeling the extra padding over my hip bones or jiggling the "bat wings" while flexing the bicep. (That last makes me chuckle. It will eventually go away, but having both tickles my funny bone.)

This is ME on the cusp of 60 pounds down.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Very enjoyable blog.. you have a sense of humour and perspective that not all of us have on this weight loss and fitness journey, your blog gave me a chuckle! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2007 days ago
    60 pounds?! All right!!!!

    That is an impressive amount of work and a heck of an achievement.

    Go ahead - flex those biceps and smile (and post the picture next to the "standard" pose).

    Honestly, along with the numbers, isn't it great to do things with your body that you couldn't do carrying the extra 60 pounds? Or just not hurting at the end of a long day, particularly if you were on your feet most of the time?

    One factor that has been motivating me has been the specter of menopause and its ensuing loss of estrogen coming up on me fast (I'm 48). Muscle loss, weight gain, bone density loss, is waiting for me along with all the "You're Over the Hill" gag gifts. So I'm using my last two years here in my 40's to get ready for that battle...

    You are emoticon
    2008 days ago
    I recently went hiking and carried a 9 lb. boulder around with me to represent the amount of weight I had lost. Can you imagine carrying a 60 lb. boulder? Congratulations on all your hard work!!! You're doing a fantastic job.
    2008 days ago
  • -SONIA-
    Woo Hoooooooooooo !!!!
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    2008 days ago

    2008 days ago
    great blog and anxious to see the photos you are such a inspiration to me and reading your blogs is like siting down and having a visit over coffee / tea
    you much be an inspiration to the people you work with. keep up the great journey
    thanks for inspiring me to keep Sparking
    Fran emoticon emoticon
    2008 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/18/2012 11:26:42 PM
    You lied up! Did you do that because you weren't sure what your weight was and you wanted to guess as high as it could possibly be?

    Well, you've come a long way, baby! Can't wait to see you go the rest of the distance :)
    2009 days ago
    You have come so far! Wow, you amaze me. You are officially the first person the world I've met that has lied "up" their driver's license weight! You crack me up. You have a great attitude, no wonder you're doing so well. Have a great weekend!
    2009 days ago
    I love your ability to open your head and let us into your thought process.

    Congratulations on all your success so far. I know what you mean about having a long way to go but not finding that discouraging per se...just keeping it real about how much is left to do!
    2009 days ago
    I admire you for being such a hard worker and approaching your weight loss so intelligently. You really should be a math professor or an engineer the way you break things down. When I read your blogs sometimes they remind me of my father who was an engineer. Lol! I'm so proud of you for losing 60 pounds!

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    2009 days ago
    You have a great attitude. Sometimes we do get frustrated by how far we still have to go, instead of celebrating how far we have already come. emoticon
    2009 days ago
    wow congrats on you success, it sounds like its taken a lot of hard work and honesty. i too went on a deliberate weight gain in reaction to relationship troubles. its hard to let go of the security blanket. i learning how, and strong women like you are showing me too.
    2009 days ago
    emoticon emoticon

    Girl, YOU are emoticon

    Keep up the GOOD WORK !

    emoticon emoticon


    2009 days ago
    Great job! You are an inspiration! emoticon
    2009 days ago
    I love that you are taking stock of things, putting them in perspective as you are on the brink of a "milestone", and a pretty impressive one!

    Thanks for taking me along on your journey to your best health yet!

    2009 days ago
  • SAMI199
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    Congrats! You've come a long way,Baby!(in every way)
    2009 days ago
    Hurray!! Congrats on your 60 pound loss! What an accomplishment! I still have a ways to go too but it's a lot less than it was when I started, and once you start losing some you know you have it in you to lose more.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2009 days ago
  • _JODI404
    Congratulations!! 60 lbs is a wonderful accomplishment!!!!
    And that is 240 lbs of pressure off of your knees too!!

    You are ROCKING this!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2009 days ago
    60 pounds is amazing. Appreciating the "you" in the mirror and recognizing both how far you've come and how far you have to go is part of that amazing journey, and I applaud your confidence!
    2009 days ago
  • NANDA82
    What a journey! It's inspiring to read someone else's POV on their weight loss and this post was no exception. You're so strong minded! Keep up the great work emoticon
    2009 days ago
  • SYZYGY922
    Congratulations! That's wonderful!

    2009 days ago
  • MICHELLE_391
    Congratulations to you and your success! I think it's awesome that you are able to track your journey like this. I think big changes are more meaningful when you can really be aware of them.

    I'm looking forward to seeing your new pictures!

    2009 days ago
  • LGAR519
    Give yourself a big pat on the back! You are doing really good!
    2009 days ago
  • TIFFY0906
    Congrats for all your accomplishments and for being on the cusp of 60lbs. You have worked hard and the progress is showing. Keep up the good work.
    2009 days ago
    You are so motivating! What a great journey you are having! You have a plan and a set goal. You are certainly going to make your goal! Great job! You are a force to be reckon with!

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    2009 days ago
    I love your attitude! emoticon for being on the cusp of 60 pounds! down emoticon
    2009 days ago
    I do not think you have a long way to go... You are already doing what needs to be done to get in shape and where you want. You found your formula and already lost plenty of weight! You just need to keep doing what you are doing! You are straight on track! So it is just a matter of time and patience..You will get there!!! A long way to go seems like you got a lot to do and discover. Not really! Forget time... You are doing great and correctly... So it is just a matter of living and keeping up the good work!

    Congratulations and just keep rolling!
    2009 days ago
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