Sometimes we have good days, and sometimes we have bad ones. Sometimes they stretch into good weeks or bad weeks, or good months, or bad months, or even good years or, (heaven forbid) bad years. Well today I stepped on the scale and I reached 160 lbs lost and was reminded of the last year! WOW! Take my breath away! I began comparison on my pics… and was so amazed at what I see. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not even done… but oh so far I have come, in just a little over a year.
The last year hasn’t always been a good one. I have gone through some pretty bad stuff. Lost jobs, lost loved ones, failed classes, unpaid bills, marriage breakups, and back together, and break up and back together… AND breakup and AGAIN, back together, misunderstandings that led to lost friends… hurt feelings, lots of tears and I even thought I was losing my mind a few times as well.
I also had lost pounds, and lost inches, and lost points on my BMI…
I gained confidence, gained pride, and gained understanding of who I am!
I look back and I am astounded at how far I have come!
Take a trip with me…
Before I began on April 25, 2011, I had originally begun in November 2010… I had some setbacks and gave up. Around the beginning of the New Year I was sent all the test results from all the testing that had been done in preparation for the surgery I had looked into in November.
This time I got scared: (From my blog)
“I was dying, and I didn't even know it! This hit me hard in the beginning! I can handle sleep apnea, I have probably been living with it for years, (spite the fact that it IS very dangerous to live with, and can lead to death)! I can even handle high blood pressure, you know, take a few pills... OK! BUT DIABETES SCARED ME! I have watched my father lose his leg, and other parts of his body, and have many major surgeries and complications because of this silent illness! I have also watched family members struggle and suffer for many years with it.
Let's face it... NOW they had my attention!”
Sleep Apnea, high blood pressure, diabetes, depression, anxiety… I WAS DYING…
By April I was finished being scared and was finally ready to do this…
My first blog on April 25 left me with the mantra:
“If you say you can't, you won't. If you say you can, you will…” and I dreamed of the freedom to fly!
On April 26 I discovered that no one could do to me what I didn’t let them do to me. I took accountability and with it, I took control!
I discovered around May 11 that there were triggers to the reasons I was not succeeding in the past, and I learned them, and learned to avoid them…
Trigger #1: "reward/celebration"...
Trigger #2: "bad day"...
Trigger#3: "this is the last time"...
Trigger #4: "i already blew it"...
Trigger #5: I'll make up for it later/saved the calories"...
Trigger #6: "self blame"...
Trigger #7: "it's not fair"...
Trigger #8: "life got in the way"...
Trigger #9: "should/shouldn't"...
Trigger #10: "I'm already defeated"...
I discovered that the only thing defeating me was ME… from there I just kept reaching!
I found that motivation was the key and I discovered what mine were:
My best friend:
The goal to turn heads:
...and of course look good!
I had up times and I had down times. I felt like killing my husband many times, as we went through some serious marital problems, and to keep from losing it, I felt like eating everything in the fridge… sometimes I did, and sometimes I didn’t. I am not going to lie to you and say this has been an easy journey, because it has not!
But I had some good times too… I even earned my Associates degree!
Around the end of May I discovered that the broken measuring tape was useful! That was my first REAL WOW moment: (From my blog 5/29)
“Then come the dreaded measuring for the month. I always dread this because of one main reason... the broken measuring tape. My dog got a hold of my measuring tape a long time ago and chewed off the end, now it only goes to 66 inches. I have been meaning to buy another one, but never got around to it. So of course I felt like crap every time I had to use it because I could not get it completely around me in some places. :( So, I sucked it up cause I knew well that I have to do this, got to keep track of my inches lost, and OMG it fit... EVERYWHERE! Now yes I have a few places that are right at 66 inches but I can now use the broken measuring tape and don't have to feel like crap because it doesn't fit! WooHoo! Oh, and I have lost a total of 28 inches... a final HIP HIP HURRAY!!”
I found myself reaching more and more limits I had never reached before… new goals and new milestones around every corner:
- Standing up to those who did not support me!
- Giving up soda!
- Giving up fast food! (still deal with that one… I figure if I give it up each and every day, I am a little bit closer each time)
- My stress level was coming down!
- My weight was dropping!
- My BMI was dropping!
- I wasn’t sleeping all day!
- I found smiles on my face!
There were also BIG milestones:
The day I could tie my own shoes!
(I can actually cross my legs now, or sit in Indian position!)
The day I slid behind my steering wheel and realized it was still in the down position!
(now there is a good foot and a half between me and the steering wheel!)
The day I was able to fit into my bath tub!
(I can’t only fit, but I take nice baths now!)
The day I realized I could shop walking around Wal-Mart or Kroger and my back did not hurt!
(I can shop for hours and even went to the fair this year and walked for 6 hours straight… NO PAIN!)
The day I sat in my husband’s computer chair and didn’t have to sit sideways… or the eye doctor’s office chairs (the first time I went I had to stand the whole time while I was in the waiting room, the chairs were so small, 6 months later I sat sideways, 6 months after that, I sat right down!) or the hospital chairs…
(I can sit in any chair now!)
The day I washed dishes WITHOUT a chair!
(I can clean my whole house in about 3 hours now, without stopping!)
Around June 9 I discovered I needed to raise my own price tag: (From my blog 6/9)
“If you're not being treated with love & respect, check you’re "Price Tag". Perhaps you've marked yourself down. It's YOU who tells people what you're worth by what you accept. Get OFF the "CLEARANCE RACK" & get behind the glass where they keep the VALUABLES! Bottom line is; VALUE yourself more!”
Around July 9 I took on the NIKE mantra:
Over time I learned to overcome setback, smile at even the smallest accomplishments and even cry a few tears of happiness as the weight kept coming off!
I had more and more milestones:
- Being able to shave my own legs!
- Putting on my own bra and being able to hook it myself!
- Not having to use the wheelchair bathroom stall at the stores!
On Monday, August 29 I said goodbye to 400!
On Sep 25 I was up all night nervous at having surgery the next day… At this point I had dropped 80lbs. and was nowhere near where my goal set, but I felt I was on my way, and the surgery was going to help me stay there once I got there!
On Sep 26th I went in for surgery:
After surgery I had new challenges… I worked through them one at a time… sometimes… LOL
On December 9, 2011 I lost my father…
On January 2 I separated from my husband…
I hit some very bad lows during those several months!
Around February 20 I was back at it again and took myself back to the basics of weight loss!
I realized one thing:
On March 11, I said goodbye to 300!
By that time I began to get closer to my 42nd birthday AND my one year anniversary of beginning this long quest, I decided I was not going to give up… I may have lost a few battles, but I was determined to win this war!
I have been around a year, been up, been down, and the three things I can say that I have learned that is most important:
DON'T EVER, EVER, EVER QUIT!
DON'T TAKE YOUR EYES OFF THE GOAL!
THIS ISN'T A RACE, IT ISN'T A DIET... THIS IS LIFE! CHOOSE TO MAKE THE LIFESTYLE CHANGE WHICH WILL GO WITH YOU FOREVER!
I wish to share some pics of me, these are not pretty… However I feel I need to post these for several reasons. One, for me, because even though I still do not look as good as I want, I need to be reminded of just how far I have come. Two for anyone out there who feels they just cannot do it…
DON’T BELIEVE IT! Not for a moment… if I can, YOU can!
Here are my comparison pics for the last year…
I will say sorry for this blog being so long, but I am not quite done… when you reach a point in your journey you have to understand just how much those around you got you through to where you are, so I must remember those that have helped me:
A huge thanks and all the love I have for a great friend… “L” you have reminded me just what a friend is and have repeatedly shown me just how awesome you are. Thank you for being there, listening to me, hearing me and most of all, telling me the truth when I needed to hear it!
Thank you to my family; my husband “T”, my best friend “B”, my mother, my father, my aunt and uncle, my cousins and sisters, and of course my son, (my biggest supporter)! You all have gone up and down with me and helped me to the place where I am now! All my love and thanks!
To one of the best friends I ever had, Beck, you do not know how much you have touched me with all your support and constant reminders of how much I inspire you. I have always been honored to have you in my life! All my love and thanks!
To the best friend I lost… you meant the world to me, and I am so very sorry things come between us. I hope you know how much you are still in my heart, how much you have always inspired me, and just how much I have always needed you! I love you greatly and miss you more!
Dr. Ahuja, Jeannine, Heather & staff of New Life Weight Loss... For all the support, advice and encouragement you have given me. THANK YOU SO MUCH!
To all the patients of New Life Weight Loss who have inspired, encouraged, and most of all supported me, some of you have become friends, and some just acquaintances, but all have become inspiration! THANK YOU SO MUCH!
To my FB friends… thank you for your continuing support and love!
Last but certainly not least… to all my Spark friends… you have been there for me when no one else was. Been there to cheer me on, and keep me smiling, pick me up when I was down, and tell me it’s ok when I screwed up. I could have never gotten here without you! All my love and tons of thanks!
I am no where done yet… I am still traveling this road; however, I am closer than I was before and still moving in the right direction!
Always SMILE, especially at yourself!
Remember, don’t think about it… JUST DO IT!
AND find a reason to love yourself more everyday!
Update on my day:
Eating – no slip ups today! Woot! Stayed within my calories!
Working out – Back to the grind after a “shouldn’t have taken” day off… LOL
I did as follows today:
1.3 miles on the treadmill
30 min with Jillian’s Shred It with Weights
30 min with SP Pump Up Your Upper Body
5525 steps today!
---- It was another great day!
Goals – It was a good day for goals as well! I did everything I wanted to get done, YEA!
8 cups of water – drank 10!
5000 steps per day – stepped 5525
6 hours of sleep – got 6.41
Walk 7 miles per week – walked 1.3 miles today
Write in journal everyday – check!
Read from Jillian’s book daily at least 30 min – read for 30 minutes today (this is my way of keeping motivated, AND giving me some down, ME-time)
Track calories eaten – check!
Track calories burned – check!
5 minute pep talk – check!
Hope everyone is having a great night!