Wednesday, May 16, 2012
So, by now it is pretty clear that I come back to Sparkpeople for a bit, get all gung-ho, then slack off. I mean, that is pretty much obvious. So, instead of giving myself a reason to come back in a year and say "UGH, I looked like I was SOO interested!" I'll cut to the chase.
I really started getting back seriously into "being healthy" in November. There was this guy, with these problems, and I realized that I didn't want any of them. I ended the relationship the previous spring, but you know how that goes; it was a summer of change. And I did change a lot. I cut all my hair off, for one, and stopped giving a "poop", for another. I don't mean I stopped giving a"poop" about myself, the opposite is more true; I started giving MORE of a "poop" about myself, and LESS of a “poop” about everyone else. The first step was cutting my hair off. It sounds like a little thing, hair cutting, but it was LIBERATING AS “HECK”. I'd actually done it before the break up, and the ex said: "Please don't cut your hair any shorter-- it is SO UNATTRACTIVE!" So I had my hairdresser take a buzzer to it. That is how I roll.
Cut to this fall.
The fall is rough for me, but it is also exciting. I am an adjunct professor teaching bright, but struggling young minds how to write essays. I hate writing essays, so I get how annoying the class itself is, and once a week (times the number of classes, this fall it was three) I get up there and I try to make it as interesting as possible. At the same time, I work full time in retail. Anyone in retail knows what that means come fall-winter. It means “heck”, especially working in a children's clothing department (Hello, back to school shoppers) So, I joined Nutrisystem. Is it the epitome of how I want to eat? “HECK” to the no, but to be honest with you, working on getting my own work done (did I mention I'm a full time student as well?) teaching, grading, and working full time... well, it was just too much. Making good decisions (not to mention grocery shopping) became too much. So, I did the next best thing-- I let someone else do that decision making for me.
Because this is the first entry in a long time, I'll do some what I likes, and what I don't likes about Nutrisystem, so that in the future I can look back on it, and also for the sake of being monotonous:
You can vary it with your add-ins (carbs, protein, etc)
What I don't like:
Additives, preservatives, sodium
I am not putting cost up there under either category. It costs me around $255 a month to have it delivered to my front door. I'm not complaining about that, and when I need to, I can "delay" it so that I don't drown in it.
By Dec I had lost twenty pounds. Then December came, and I made pretty good decisions, but quickly fell off the band wagon. A few days turned to a week, then to a month, then it was suddenly March and I was turning twenty seven years old. And I was back up to 265. “Shoot”.
Getting older is harsh. It is scary. Before I get flamed and told I'm only twenty seven and should shut up, I'm not just talking about my own rapidly approaching thirty years of age, I mean in general. My parents are older, and out of shape. Somewhere in all of this, between the ex and my parents, between standing in front of all of my students and nearing the end of my own education, I got back here. I watch my mother take a ton of pills for ailments that she may not have if she were in good shape. My father has a pacemaker defibrillator, and does no sort of exercise whatsoever. I go to a lot of doctors with my mom, who by all other standards is young (desire to do things, to get out, to travel, all of that) but whose body is holding her back and I just don't want that. I don't want to be an old out of shape professor. And that is really what it is, it is an issue of not wanting to be out of shape, not wanting to be UNHEALTHY. It isn't about being attractive, it is about being active. I was unhappy sitting around playing video games and eating crappy, and something has to change about that.
When I think about my life, even with the ex, who was for various legitimate, and non legitimate reasons, extremely sedentary, I don't look to my future with dreams of relaxing in big comfy chairs and sipping cocktails while eating bon bons. I never had. I look at my future and I dream of jogging in The Burren (Ireland), of hiking the entirety of the Appalachian trail, of getting on planes and flying places without feeling crammed in, or needing to keep my legs as tight together as possible while pushing down the armrest so that my neighbor won't realize my thighs are too fat to fit in my own seat (True story). I want to kayak the Mississippi river. I want to run in a half marathon-- and then a full marathon. And most of all, most of everything, I want, when I am seventy, to be eating the vitamins and medicines I need in my food, not all in pill form. I want to exist healthily, with a low carbon footprint, and teach until I'm ready to die-- which will hopefully be very long from now, somewhere close to the ocean, and only when my body is biologically incapable of keeping up with my spirit any longer.
It feels a little extreme to think this way. But there was this documentary I watched on Netflix (Good lord, I love Netflix, saves me from boring workouts at the gym) "Forks Over Knives" It was really good, and if you haven't seen it, maybe you should. Parts of it seem a bit sensationalist, it is mostly about living eating only whole-foods, how your diet can change your health, and how meat will be the death of us all. One of the doctors that works on the science behind the idea of a "Whole Foods" diet (not the chain, but the actual concept of whole foods) addressed that, he said something like
"Some people think this is extreme, to diet this way. But personally, I think that having your chest cracked open, your heart exposed, and a vein from your leg stitched onto your heart so that it can pump blood is pretty extreme. You know? That is extreme to me."
Yeah, to me too, doc.
So I am now, according to the countdown on my phone (One tracks how long I've been on the diet this time, one tracks how long it is till I fly to Las Vegas-- which I'll talk about another day, or another time, and another is when I am in my best friends wedding, also another story, but all good for motivation) for thirty days. Sine I started again, I've lost about twenty pounds. In thirty days. Since the fall, November-ish, I've lost 34 lbs. My BMI has dropped several points, and today, after 30 days of walking a few miles almost every day (I think I missed a total of 4) and doing the elliptical when I can, I started an app on my phone that does interval training. Out of the twenty minutes I was supposed to do, I got to sixteen. Part of those intervals was jogging. It was the most I've jogged since junior high.
Since junior high.
I am twenty seven years old. And today, I jogged. A little, but more than once. I did a mile in 15 minutes, jogging, and walking. I jogged. I jogged.
So now I'm hoping to keep this blog going. If for nothing else but to keep myself motivated. I need to keep interested. My pitfall is always boredom, 100% boredom, every time. I get bored of exercise, I get bored of the food I'm eating, I get bored of caring and I lose motivation. This is not a battle since I had the kids and gained some weight (no offense to moms, your struggle is legit, it just isn't mine) and it isn't weight I've gained from being too busy, or aging. This is a lifetime of being overweight. This is everything from emotional eating, to boredom eating, to every other kind of eating and sedentary behavior you can think of.
Each time I do this, I learn something new. About myself, I mean. This time I realize that I am bored easily, so much like the rest of my life, I need to entertain myself to keep on track. So I am entertaining myself. I will clown my way to healthy.
So, lets see.