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Mama drama

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

I didn't want to get this off my chest over the weekend being that it was Mothers Day...

I didn't spend Mothers Day with my Mom. We haven't spoken in about a week. This isn't the first time we haven't been on speaking terms. Its so frustrating each and every time, but this time, now that I'm a bit older, I feel I can really tell her what bothers me most.

So right now...my mom is in the process of moving to Alaska. She met and fell in love about a year ago with a man who lives in Alaska. I don't agree with the whole situation, but its what she wants. She wanted to fall in love, leave Long Island and start fresh. I don't blame her. I want the same for myself. There is a bunch more about the story to explain why I'm not excited, but anyway...

You'd think she'd be happy and stop being miserable and complaining about how hard her life is, but it hasn't stopped. And frankly, I'm tired of hearing about it. This is what I've heard for 31 years. I figured she would be happy and cut it out. But nope. And now shes threatening to take me to small claims court over a bill for some things she has helped me buy for me apartment (probably a total of $800). I am making the payments, as much as I can, and yes, I was late once with a bill. But this is my mom. She knows I'm stressed with school. With work. And I don't believe a mother should ever threaten to take their child to court.

And now she isn't coming to my graduation ceremony on Thursday. Actually no one in my family is, but I figured my mother at least would be there. Thank God for some great friends who will be supporting me. To say I'm sad wouldn't describe it.

Of course I love my mother, but she has definitely helped me to see who I want to be as I grow older and what kind of mother I want to be when I have children of my own.
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  • 4CYNDI
    Leanne, Everyone else has said it so well. All I can add is emoticon emoticon emoticon
    Mama drama is no fun. I hope you can get this resolved with her soon. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! Graduating this week! WOOHOO! Celebrate with your friends and island mates.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2132 days ago
    I wish I could be there to attend your graduation, give you a big hug, and tell you I am so proud of you! I'm so sorry your mother is not able to put the problems aside and be there for you on such an important day. My boyfriend (at the time) tried to ruin graduation day for me by telling me the morning of the event that he wasn't attending (because we had argued the night before), but you know what I did? I made up my mind there and then, that I was not going to let that ruin my day...his loss! I focused on the excitement of the day, what it meant to me, and appreciated the people who DID attend for me. Savor the day, feel the pride and excitement tomorrow, focus on the positive!
    emoticon emoticon
    2132 days ago
    Leanne, so many have said it all and yet I know that none of our words can soothe the hurt you are feeling. I know because I've personally lived it and I know because I have two stepdaughters whose hearts continue top break over Mama Drama hurts. I am so sorry Island Sister and I truly wish that there were words that could poof away the disillusionment and hurt you are feeling. Our parents are "supposed" to be so many things and yet they are human too. Surround yourself with family you can choose who love you and are happy for you and try to make amends over this rift with your Mom but do not let it cloud all that you deserve to be happy for and proud of this week because she is downright WRONG to steal this from you. Shame on her. No matter how unhappy she is for her to do this to you this week when you have struggled and worked so hard is sad and wrong. She is your Mom and always will be but you DESERVE her support and happiness for all that she has done to bring you to where you are and that you WANT her there with you to honor that too. Very wrong to do this now of all times. HUGE hugs... emoticon
    2132 days ago
    Sweetie, I'm so sorry you have drama with your mama. That is no fun at all especially with Mother's Day last weekend! It sounds like your mom is unhappy and I'm so sorry she isn't supporting you. I just went through my dad getting re-married so I know how tough it is when parents start new relationships too. Ugh!!

    I'm so proud of you though! Congratulations on your upcoming graduation! Don't let her lack of support dim your accomplishment. Let go of it and let her be who she is and know that you are shooting for a higher goal. Life is too short to be miserable! So celebrate and be proud of what you are doing with your life!
    2132 days ago
  • PRIZM96
    Awwww, Sweetie. I'm so sorry, your Mom is behaving this way. I agree with the others that have commented on here. Your mom is obviously very unhappy, and although I'm sure that's tough for you to see, it isn't your problem to fix. In fact, you can't fix it, no matter what. She has to find her own happiness. Some people go through their entire life unhappy and I pray that is not your mom.
    I hope the stupid court thing is just an over-reaction on her part and gets settled soon. You do your absolute best to get her paid back so she doesn't have that hanging over your head. Just think how absolutely freeing it's going to be when you don't owe her anything!
    I'm so proud of you! Graduating this week! Wow! Your mom is going to regret not going one day. She will. But for now, please lean on your friends that are there for you. Friends can sometimes far outweigh family in the support category.
    You know what? I wish I could be at your graduation! I would be hootin' and a hollerin' as they called your name!!
    I know you're sad, Sweetie, but just try to understand that while your mom is the one doing these crappy things, it's YOUR reaction to her actions that counts. You are in charge of your feelings. You are in charge of your reaction.
    Keep on doing what's best for YOU.

    Love ya! See you on the island! Hey! Maybe we can have a graduation party on the island this weekend!! Whatd'ya say?
    2132 days ago
    So sorry you are going through this. I sure hope you guys can work things out. Thank heavens for good friends that show support. lots of luck
    2133 days ago
    Nothing I can add... I understand...
    2133 days ago
    You two are separate and distinct people.
    Her problems are your problems only if you take them on.
    She has to find her own happiness and you can't make her happy.
    She has something inside herself that she desperately is
    seeking to fix, find, create or heal.
    She is just a person and right now cannot live up to the
    normal role of mother for you.
    You are not her mother, counselor, or psychiatrist.
    You do not need her to love you in order to love yourself.
    She has her issues and is in some ways mistreating you.
    You don't have to submit to emotional abuse.
    Sometimes it is best to avoid toxic people, even if they are family.
    You can't pick your relatives, but you can pick your friends.
    Thankfully, you have friends that love you.
    Sometimes you can find "mother substitutes" that will show
    you love, guidance, and support the way your own mother can't.
    Let this challenge make you stronger and be an opportunity for growth.
    You can have or create the support base that you need to fulfill your dreams
    and do not need to get deterred or distracted by the overspray from
    her agitated life.
    2133 days ago
    I hope you can make peace with her before she moves. Has she visited Alaska yet? That is probably going to be a HUGE change from LI.
    2133 days ago
    Not every one is blessed to have a mother that is also a friend! Could you see her for what she is ... Like a bird with a broken wing? I am very sure she is very unhappy in herself. Go, girl... Because you can!
    2133 days ago
    emoticon Sounds like Momma is unhappy with her life and wants to share that with those around her. Sorry that happens to be YOU... Friends are like Family, Happy Grad Week!
    2133 days ago
    This is tough to deal with, especially dealing with parents. your mom situation is tough to swallow but at the same she has to learn from what she does.

    Hopefully the small claims court deal is out of frustration and a minor threat.

    As a parent myself, I can not see putting my son through that frustration.

    Hang in there. As mention in the previous response, find your happiness whether it be in the moves you make or with the progress with in your health and life.

    Stay positive that this will work itself out!
    2133 days ago
    God I know this story all too well from my own life..... Your right a mother shouldn't ever threaten to take their child to court, they should be supportive and try to help out their child.
    My mother has been jealous of me since the day I was born and I have to say that her actions have probably made me the best mom.... I never wanted to be like her and I'm not ! My son is told every single day of his life that he is loved and supported by my husband and myself...
    It's her loss if she isn't at your graduation, don't give into her it will just eat you up... Be happy for the great friends you have in your life and cherish them for choosing to be at one of the most important days of your life!
    I know it hurts inside my parents pulled the same thing on me and after going to a cousins graduation!
    It hurts like hell but you know what you don't need her there, I realized I didn't I worked too hard to get through school back then and I wasn't going to let them steal my thunder!
    I'm so sorry your mom is being like this to you, but your going to be a much better parent then her someday and that will give u so much satisfaction not to be like her!
    I hope you have a Wonderful Graduation Day! Be proud of yourself! emoticon
    2133 days ago
    Hang in there, kid. Mother-daughter relationships are often frustrating. I have three daughters, and grew up with boys in my life, which has made it most difficult for me to relate to girls. Your Mom sounds like her priority right now is her own happiness, but the day will come when she will regret the decisions she is making now.

    Meanwhile, you need to find your own happiness. Being a member of this Spark program proves that you want to improve your life, no matter who is offering encouragement or support. Congratulations on your graduation. Keep moving forward with positive goals.
    2133 days ago
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