Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Man, I have been a sorry excuse for a sparkblogger lately. Really. I have been so work-focused I've had little time to do these little things for myself. When I do, I have spent it on reading books for pleasure (instead of school) and taking a bath. True luxury, let me tell you.
I have come to realize, now more than ever, that I need to take care of myself.
Maybe that makes me selfish, I don't know. But the truth is, I need to have time for wandering the mall by myself and yes, touching everything that looks pretty or soft; Taking a bubble bath and reading; Sitting on my deck with a cup of coffee and taking in the view; painting my nails, and getting pedicures; walking on the Lakewalk with my pooch; Speaking of my pooch, playing with and loving on her (she's an awesome dog, she deserves it); Gardening; Riding on my new mountain bike (and hopefully not crashing too many times); Basically, any activity that I do solely for my own enjoyment.
Maybe this makes me selfish, and destined to be alone for my whole life. Or maybe it makes me honest and willing to do what it takes to be happy, which will make for a better relationship. Maybe it will help me because the only person who can understand it is another who needs their 'me' time, too.
I think, from time to time, I lose sight of what is really best for me. I get caught up in what other people expect or even just what I think they expect, and discount my instincts and desires as wrong.
Well, screw that. I'm tired of the constant battle between what I want and what I think other people think I should want. Why can't I have another pair of shoes, if I want them? Or two hours of zone-out time on Saturday morning?
I had a great weekend. I woke up around 7:30 on Saturday, then read in bed until about 8:30. I sat on my deck and read a bit longer, then I went to the farmer's market, got a coffee and sat outside of Caribou for awhile, then went to Menards and loaded up on flowers, deck boxes, potting soil, cedar mulch, and tools (all of this in a cotton sundress). I spent all of Saturday afternoon planting flowers and tending the beds along my walk, pulling weeds from between the bricks, and enjoying the sun. Following that, I went to a friends house with my br for a few margaritas and a BBQ, which then turned into a night on the town. Sunday, we got up and went for breakfast at the Duluth Grill (organic local produce, so good) and spent most of the day driving around in the Jeep with the top off and then at the beach with my pooch, followed by a bloody mary and wings at Green Mill and a malt on the lakewalk. We finished up the day watching part of Harry Potter and the Dealthy Hallows part 1 before calling it a night at 10.
Over the course of those two days, I can't recall a single minute during which I was stressed or upset. It was sunny, warm, and we were all just bound and determined to enjoy ourselves. And we did. Why can't we have that mentality all of the time? I know there are some things (like work) that are obligations, but there's no reason that we have to think of it that way. Sometimes the attitude with which you approach something really can make the difference in how it goes.
Ramblings of a stressed out girl. 3 more days until I am done with all the coursework of my masters. Woot!