Tuesday, May 15, 2012
It's been a while since I wrote anything about this book. A few chapters have gone by with more of the same theme of recognizing the true emotion behind the drive to eat. So I didn't want to focus on redundancy. This one branches into something a little new, but a little known. Finding balance in relationship.
"Many women who struggle with disordered eating find themselves surrounded by others who do not share equally in the responsibility for nurturing a relationship. These women frequently find themselves feeding and supporting others who do not feed and support them in return." This just serves as a good reminder that I need to speak up when I find myself feeling resentful that it seems I carry the weight of keeping the family going. It's a strange balance to find between caring for others in a healthy way, and going past the point of health into dysfunction. My therapist tells me that it becomes codependency when you serve others from a place of obligation, or your serving of others drains your own reserves. I like that. It makes sense. And I work in a field that has much to do with serving and helping others. While I love my work, there are times when it does indeed feel like a drain or an obligation. We call it "compassion fatigue" then.
I've been dealing with that lately. I'm less engaged with clients, less enthusiastic about going in to work, very tired and grumpy by the end of the week. At the same time, I've been in a decidedly "no care attitude" about my eating habits and water consumption. I've been mindlessly eating what appeals to me at first glance, not tracking anything, and drinking more coffee and pop than anything else. There's an underlying sense of "why bother?" and "why not? no one else is thinking about what I want or what would make me happy, so I might as well take care of myself." But the thing is, I realize that I'm not truly taking care of myself by doing that. There have been days where I skipped dinner because I didn't think about packing anything, and days when all I did was snack/graze through the day.
So yet again, I'm jumping back on the track, reminding myself that I matter, that my health matters, and my desires matter. For me, if any of those factors get dropped by the side, it isn't good. So, here we go....refilling the water glass, logging my food, throwing some healthy snacks into my work stuff.