Alright so I've been a bad kid. The truth is I've been slipping lately, and I swear it started with taco bell. I know I shouldn't let it bother me, hell when all is said and done even after slipping I still burned 400 cals that day, but I have always been like that, one slip makes it ten times more easy for me to slip again, or worse, just give up. The good news is that I can see this and I know what is going on. The bad news is that it still happens. Sometimes seeing the problem just isn't enough. That doesn't mean I haven't been doing good things to, I have. In fact I'm going to list the good things so I can see them and look back at this later, the good things I've done since I last blogged are:

1. At costco, even though I had 4 panic attacks (note to self, never go to costco again on a saturday, or even worse, the saturday before mother's day), I didn't show it, and I didn't faint or try to run to the bathroom. I did stop in the least crowded part I could find and work on my breathing, but thats good! it's what the doctor said to do!

2. I did just what I was suppost to with the eye doctor. I didn't start crying, and even though it hurt, I worked on getting my eye just where he wanted it. I even kept my head still when he did the pressure test on my eyes (though some needs to kill that stupid machine...hard...)

3. The only thing I sampled at costco was liquid gold (a vit for your heart), and something called veggie fries or something like that. They reminded me of fries and I think they are fairly oily, but they are made with veggies.

4. When my mother offered to buy me a hotdog and soda I turned her down. I had a small craving after she asked (usually we always have some there) but I didn't think about it to much, and I felt better afterward for turning her down.

5. I didn't pick up any junk food. I got some string cheese and strawberries and we got some cereal (fiber one), but I didn't even reach or look at the snacks, or baked goods. My mother did bring home some chocolate dipped strawberries though. I even stayed away from the dried fruit which it seems is bad for those with diabetes.

6. I picked out the second to cheapest frames.

7. I have been looking at the crabs in what I eat, and have been trying to find some crab friendly snacks. I'm still eating to many, but atleast I am looking now.

8. Friday I ended the day with 1315 calories (goal of 1200 to 1550) 191 carbs (goal of 150 to 194) and 78 protein (goal of 60-78), so I wal within my goals all the way around (woohoo, doesn't happen that much)

9. Saturday I ended the day with 1354 cals, 167 carbs, and 83 protein (went over).

10. Sunday I got into my crocs and walked about 1.8 miles all in all. Sadly my feet hurt so much that I knew I couldn't do it again, and I ended up having to walk up and down the streets (which I couldn't have done if anyone had been out) to avoid the hills, but still! I almost walked to miles yesterday!

11. I put together a couple before pictures on PS. In one I have pictures from 09 and the ones I just took....not really different...I think I can see alittle bit, but not much...but if I remember right (it's been three years, so I could be wrong) I was atleast 280 then. I also put on the last picture someone took of me on my SP with the before picture. As long as no one makes fun of me, I think it will end up being a good thing, kind of a "see, no one fainted, throw-up, or made fun of you because of the way you look, it's not that bad" kind of thing.

12. I joined a diabetes team on SP to help myself come to terms and learn about diabetes. I also joined a SP team challenge for people with diabetes. I think it's going to be a very good thing for me.

Alright, so, see self? I did 12 things in the last 3 days that I can call being good! That's good! I wouldn't have been able to do that a month ago. Things aren't that bad!
Now for the less then good things...to be fair I'll make a list to...

1. Aside from walking around the house and the store saturday, I didn't do any exercise.

2. I didn't do any strength training sunday.

3. have been having a hard time getting up in the morning. If I didn't set the ipod to high energy music and put the remote next to my bed, I would have probably have slept in until 10 or even later. As it is, I get up at about 8. I want to make that 6.

4. I had 3 chocolate dipped strawberries saturday.

5. I was a bad kid yesterday and I'm still not completely sure why, though I have a few theories. I ended up eating a ice cream sandwich AND 6 nutty bars! So frustrating! I haven't done that in almost two weeks! grr....it was so hard to get up and doing anything today because a little piece of me kept saying I already blew it so what was the point.

6. Yesterday I had 2152 cals, 300 carbs! (ick), 61 fat, and 100 protein.

Still....12 good things and only 6 bad things isn't to bad...that's twice as many good things as bad things, I need to remember that! I don't need to be perfect, I just need to get better at thinking that way.

I THINK what happened last night goes back to the book I'm reading (The Power of Habit). Even though by 6:30 I was perfect almost (to much protein) with my food (I am trying to not eat anything atleast 2 hours before I go to bed), I still felt like I needed to eat. I wasn't hungry but I hadn't really...well crunched anything that evening. Instead I had a smoothie with protein whey in it trying to keep my carbs down. It does sound weird, but I think the habit of EATing something every night, of really having something to sink my teeth into, had something to do with it. I felt like I needed to eat something else. I went for the nutty bars because they were crunchy, I could really sink my teeth into them. I had the ice cream sandwich because I couldn't find the bars at first, and when someone found them and brought them to me, I just kept eating until I felt like I had crunched enough. Anyways, thats my theory. I should also point out that last night I felt very....blah, or meh. Not the best way to explain it, but it was how I felt yesterday and this morning. I would probably be feeling that way if I hadn't dragged myself out the door and go for a 20 min walk...(in my flip flops....very carefully....I can't wait for my shoes to get here...) It really did help boost my energy and mood and get me to do the strength training. I hope I have the right form, thats the bad thing about doing it alone when no one is around, I don't get any feed back about if I'm doing it right or not. I also downloaded a few cardio videos. I don't know if I will like them, but I can atleast look at them and try! In fact I think I"ll do that now. Here's hoping I don't slip again like last night.