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    VANALADIEL   65,882
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Life sometimes turns your life upside down


Sunday, May 13, 2012

My life has had its ups and downs for many years but this spring I had my life become a nightmare that even I did not see coming.
Luckily it is not something that was life threatening but at the same time just as devastating to me.

I have been married now for almost 4 years to the most wonderful man I have ever met. He is younger then I am and we have been
together almost since the day we met. We discussed every major issue before we made any decision to get married so I thought that
we would not have any serious issues come up. Well he was suddenly becoming very distant. I asked him repeatedly if there was something
wrong and he kept reassuring me that he was just tired and that stress from work was just getting to him. So I let it go and did not worry!

He has been helping his mother out with chores in the garden and all for a few months now about once a week and I did not mind. She lives
a ways away but I did not mind his going down to her place for a day each week.

Well he comes home and says we need to talk. I am a little shocked but thinking finally I can hear what he is thinking. I should have run!!

He sits beside me on the couch and reaches out to take my hand gently in his and I can tell something is really bothering him. He starts off
by saying "I really love you but..." I sat in shock as he proceeded to tell me that he has decided to leave me since he suddenly feels a need
to have children. We discussed this before we even moved in together because I can not have children. He knew this!!

I sat quiet and listened to him tell me how he is going to leave and go find someone who he can have children with. He assured me there was
no one else and that he did not know how to find someone but his only chance was to leave cause he did not want to hurt me by meeting someone
while we were still together.

I was crushed, numb and crying!! How could he sit there and tell me he loves me and yet say he is leaving me for something he may never get?

I quietly took my ring off and handed it to him and I got up and got my keys and purse and left. I suddenly felt like I was drowning and could
not breath, my world was suddenly crashing about me and I did not know how to stop it.

I drove the car a ways and pulled over in a parking lot and just cried. I was not angry but lost and confused. I called him and we talked
for a bit, he begged me to come back home so we could talk it out. I told him he had already made up his mind and did not want to hear what
I had to say. But after a bit I did go home.

That was when I got angry, I know his mom helped him come to this decision. She did not discourage him at all but agreed with him. I thought
she liked me.

I sent her an email that may not have been very nice but I did not say all that much just that she was getting her way but that it should come
as no surprise since she knew all about this. She suddenly has become really hurt over this. Ya think!!! She did not understand why I am hurt!

I also wrote an email to his father and step mom whom I love dearly saying my farewells and telling them that I would always love them and their
son but that I would go by his wishes.

Well my husband and I talked all night actually or the early hours of the next day. I finally got him to hear me about there being other options
and that I was willing to check into these options with him. He refuses to adopt, he wants a child of his own. Okay there are still options.

He knows that I sent out an email to his dad so he decides he needs to send out an email of his own explaining things to his father and how we
are talking and thinking things over.

I love his dad so much!! He called him on Ryan's long drive home from work and talking to him calming him and helping him to see what my husband
himself was not seeing in himself. By the time Ryan got home he came in and got down on his knees in front of me and just hung on to my waist.
He was shaking and he said he finally felt like he could be sane again. We both cried. His father got him to see what he already had in me and
that there may be options if he really wanted have a child but that he may be giving up the best thing he ever had for a dream that may never
come true.

Now I am not sure I can keep up with a baby but we are checking into the options of surrogacy so that we can have my husband's child. I do not
mind adoption at all. I have always loved children and would have had more if I could have. I do have one daughter who is grown.

As time goes on now my husband is not sure that children is what he really wants but at least he knows we have options that we can look into.

So my life has stablized for now and things are good again between us. I don't know how his mother and I will do but we are talking and working
things out between us as well. I have apologized to her for the email and asked her forgiveness. We will see if things ever truly mend but at
least I am trying.

So I did not turn to food in this time though my sleep was affected and my weight loss stopped. I am stable and moving forward now. I believe I
am back at SP more as well and ready to start working again on getting the rest of my life under control!!

Another of life's lessons that one wished they did not have to go through.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
MIZINA730 9/17/2012 9:53AM

    Acting like this is one sign of depression in men. That might be another option to explore. What a trip! You don't deserve it, but it's good to see he is willing to work on your relationship. And definitely stay with SP. It's something you have for yourself and you need that now. It'll help you weather hard times.


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MELAYAHM 9/16/2012 2:15PM

    I've only just seen this thread, as you just posted an update to it Vana. I'm glad that things are stable again. You're right, you just never know when life is going to throw you some terrible shock that you couldn't, or didn't, expect, and then you feel like you've dropped down a lift shaft. Been there, done that, don't ever want to do it again, but, there are no guarantees, S$*& happens. It makes you uneasy, wary, afraid that the bottom is going to fall out again, and yet, mostly,almost incredibly, we still go on, toughen up, breathe easier and keep walking. Friends and family help. But mostly we do it ourselves. To paraphrase on old cliche, that which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger, and that includes scar tissue. I wish you well my friend.

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VANALADIEL 9/16/2012 1:45PM

    Thank you one and all for your words of encouragement and support. We have gotten way past this now and he is once more feeling complete with our lives as they are.

I seriously doubt we will have children but I will never say never for his sake. But he has reconsidered what having a child would mean financially and if we could truly afford it.

Vana emoticon emoticon

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PANSYMAKEHAY 5/14/2012 1:41PM

    Yikes. Sorry I did not follow up on getting in touch with you sooner, Cherie. My being sick has put my whole life on hold, but I'm sure sorry you had to go through this. Wow...what a heartache.
But I'm glad you're coming through the other side of this with understanding now. Wish your DH had talked to his dad sooner, though. Grrrrr....

Knittingnan has the only advice I would give you, and I certainly wish you all the best and a happy outcome to both your dreams.

Big Hugs... {:)

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TRISHASPARKLES 5/14/2012 10:58AM

    Yikes!

I'm so sorry for that experience but I'm glad that you and your husband have decided to explore other options.

I really hope things work out for you.


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MICHELLE311106 5/13/2012 7:35PM

    I am so thrilled that things are looking up for you.

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KNITTINGNAN 5/13/2012 8:57AM

  Wow!!! What a Mothers' Day blog. I hope you are taking everything slowly to establish a stronger bond before you jump into raising a child together. My daughter is experiencing a similar problem in that her husband left, saying he still loves his children, but is just tired of her. It is heartbreaking, and I feel so helpless. All she does is cry, and all I can do is offer support. Marriage is rough. I hope you resolve your problems and find happiness.

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