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Here we go again...

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Well, after a year, I am back.

It makes me sad, really... I'm back because I'm right back up to the same weight I was a year ago when I hit my all time high. In the past year, I managed to lose 12 lbs, going up and down. And now I'm back up and right where I used to be, and I hate it. I feel huge and uncomfortable in my own skin.

The thing is, the worst part is that I feel like everyone can see that I've gained weight. It's like it's plastered on my forehead, and it makes me embarrassed to go out and see people. Now that I'm back home from my second year of college, I want people to see me for how I am inside and what I've accomplished this year; instead, I feel like they'll just see my weight, and that'll be enough to make it seem like I'm not in control.

I want to be motivated to get back into SparkPeople and on track to lose this weight, but right now I'm not motivated. I'm just not. I'm frustrated. And upset. And I know it's silly, and I know I need to get a grip...

I don't know how to do this anymore, though. I can't stay on track, and on days when I think I've been doing well, I end up weighing myself later and seeing that I've either gained or stayed the same.

I'm just lacking motivation. I think maybe I could do this if I was motivated... but I don't know how to re-inspire myself. Maybe I'll just force myself and the motivation will come... all I know is that I'm so tired of being ashamed of myself. so, so tired... I almost don't think it'll ever end.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm sorry you're feeling down on yourself because it sounds like you're a very intelligent, thoughtful person. I know it's cheesy but if anyone in your life isn't willing to look past your size to see who you really are then you're better off without them. Your real friends will always support you and make you feel good about yourself.
    I'm not known for my inspirational pep talks and speaking from personal experience I know they're not always welcome. I also know what it's like to lack motivation but I can tell you that it works for me to start a streak. It started with giving up soda (nine months, whoop!) but now it's doing some form of exercise every single day. Even a ten minute SP video is better than nothing and more often than not you'll want to do even more because you're all dressed up anyway
    Good luck! emoticon
    2114 days ago
    You don't "find" motivation. You just keep doing what is good for you and at some point you will find that the habits you develop become easier to do. You don't wait until "motivation" finds you, you do the work each and every day and eventually you will look around and say "WOW! I really did this!"
    I'm like you, I HATE not being "normal"! I want to be able to eat the way I see others doing, but we really don't know what they are going through or what they may have had to do in the past. I don't want to have to think about it, but you know what? That is the hand we have been dealt!
    Just remember, NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER! Even when it feels like it will never work it really is!
    And you do just what you are doing right now. You keep coming back, you keep looking at what others are trying to do and you become one of us, all struggling but REFUSING to give up!!
    I'm here if you need me, this is what SparkPeople do for each other, we support, we encourage and we love! Keep coming back!
    Oh, and stop letting the scale determine how you are going to feel today. I do weigh myself ONCE a day to keep me aware, but those numbers are NOT the be all and end all for me anymore, please, please try to look at the big picture! As long as you keep working at it, no matter what the "dreaded scale" says, you don't stop trying!

    emoticon emoticon
    2114 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/13/2012 1:19:45 AM
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