THE BLACK HOLE
Saturday, May 12, 2012
The husband. The aforementioned forty-something who acts as though he is around five years old. What I was able to overlook in my twenties, simply isn't flying at thirty-nine. I used to make excuses like:
1)He's the baby of his family
2)His mother messed him up
3)He really does care about me too...I think...down deep...somewhere...I just know it.
4)He's quiet because he is a deep person
5)He gets angry because I have somehow failed to be the person I should be
6)He's not selfish; he has high standards
Etc...etc....ugh. What a waste of my mental energy; trying to justify his bad behavior. What the hell was I thinking?
1) Yes, he WAS the baby of his family....WHEN HE WAS A BABY. He has long since past his potty-training and drinking out of a big-boy cup milestones and should be held accountable as any adult male would be who throws a tantrum when things don't go his way.
2)Yep, his mom DID mess him up.....but so what? So did mine. So did most people's. You adjust your own personality accordingly and move on with it. Such does not ENTITLE you to a life of everything going your way just because your parent/parents sucked.
3)Nah, I really don't think he does care for me too much.....at least, not in any way that would require REAL sacrifice or even minimal effort on his part. Regardless of what he may think, the sum total of his contribution to this family DOES NOT rest in the fact that he goes to work every day. I go to school full-time and care for our special-needs kids; I am just as tired as he is at the end of the day, probably more so. A full-time job DOES NOT EXCUSE him from every other single responsibility in our household. He is obviously confused.
4)Yeah....not really. I thought he was the strong, silent type...you know--still waters run deep and all that--but alas, he is a vain, fairly shallow individual; more concerned with his aging looks then in the quality of his relationship with me or with our children who are growing up so fast. He is missing out on our REAL LIFE as he pursues visions of his own superiority in his mind; convinces himself that he is so good looking that he deserves only the most beautiful women (ie, not his wife), and that he is being in some way, held back, by the life he has made. His pool is shallow enough that I can see all the way to the bottom where all the pond scum has come to rest. It is not a pretty sight my friends. He has gone so far as to reinvent himself on an online community/game (second life).....he spends every free moment (when not checking himself out in the mirror) on this damn site to the complete degeneration of our marriage and our family life. Sadly, he can't see me around his own reflection. A sad state of affairs all the way around.
5)I am blamed for everything. I endure long periods of cold silence because some agenda he had in his head (and didn't bother to share with his family) was not met or accomplished on a given day. He expects us to anticipate his every mood and wish. When we fail to read his mind and mixed signals, we are treated as though we are beneath his notice; that we have somehow failed him. (Not so much with the kids...although it does happen...mostly this is an issue he seems to reserve exclusively for me.) He acts as though his wishes should be so obvious, I must be an inattentive moron not to have understood them. The small matter of his never actually conveying his desires in spoken, written, or any other form, does not prevent his view on such matters.
6)Nope, but he's not so much selfish as self-centered. He really seems to think the universe should revolve around his preferences.
This is just a summary for my own peace of mind; a reminder of the basic points that brought me to the mindset that allowed me to think of me for a minute. I intend to read over this blog periodically just to remind myself part of the reason that I was able to make the journey back to, not only Spark People, but myself.