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    RLT5089   14,441
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Time to take back control again!!! With pictures

Saturday, May 12, 2012

A lot has changed for me since I started Spark back in October! I managed to lose 23 pounds emoticon , make healthier diet changes emoticon , and learn some great new habits emoticon .

here is me in size 5 jeans and XS t-shirt! Even more exciting I was able to wear a running shirt and not feel like a hypocrite. It says "Run faster, Breathe Deeper, Live Longer."

Not only that, but I was able to complete two 5ks and my first half marathon!!!

Me sprinting to the finish (HM):

But, more than that, the thing I realized the most is for once I felt like I was back in control of my body and my life emoticon . Before that I felt like everything in my life was happening to me, rather than me causing it. Even with my weight gain, I felt like I was a victim to it, like the fat was attacking me or something rather than seeing it as the obvious result of my inconsistent short term health attempts, and my poor long term habits. (Stop attacking me fat!!!! emoticon )

I started my journey at 153 pounds. The lowest weight I ever achieved was 128. I am currently at 130 pounds. Although my weight loss has plateaued at least I have managed to stay pretty consistent at 130 for the last couple months without gaining.

But the old feelings are sinking back as well as a lot of my old habits. Although I have not gained much weight, every time I step on the scale I feel like I am at it's mercy, with no idea of what it will bring. Every time I step on the scale and don't see a gain, I feel like, wow, I got lucky this time.

I don't want it to be this way! I have worked way too hard to start emotionally (or physically) going back to where I was.

Also, when I started this journey, the mean little voice in the back of my head was telling me, "you'll never finish this, you never finish anything." For me one of the most important things was that I not only lose weight, but achieve a physical and emotional level where I could feel CONFIDENT in myself and for the first time in my life have a summer where I could wear SHORTS and DRESSES and SWIMSUITS and not feel soooo disgusted with myself all the time. Well when I lost the 20+ pounds, I thought for sure I was going to have achieved it.

But right now I just feel blahhh emoticon I don't feel like the fit, determined person I was a couple months ago. I know I've been slacking with my workouts and diet, but it's more than that. I'm starting to feel not in control of myself again. I'll eat healthfully all day and then come home and stuff my face with something terrible. I know I need to just find my self control, but inside I actually feel like I can't make myself stop eating! Maybe I need a big one of these emoticon on my fridge!!!

But in any case, I am ready to start harnessing my girl power emoticon and climb back on the saddle! I want to feel like I did, energetic, motivated, happy, and in control. I don't know what it is going to take, but I am going to get there!!

I'm ready to lose those last few pounds, tone up, and take back the reins of my own life!

(Where are all these horse analogies coming from?? emoticon emoticon)

Watch out world!!!!

Picture taken today

See I'm still skinnier than I was obviously but my belly pudge is coming back emoticon Booo go away belly pudge!

When I post again next I hope to feel AMAZING!


Love and miss all of my spark friends!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ABIGAILJ22 5/13/2012 12:02PM

    You have come so far- remember that. I think it's easy for us to forget all the progress we've made, so even though you may have gotten off track a little (this is a message for me too)- you have made leaps and bounds!! Sometimes I look in the mirror and I don't think it looks any different than it did 15 pounds ago, but that's crazy head talk. I have a feeling that the "belly pudge" you're talking about is nothing compared to what it was! You can regain control of your habits- look at what you've already accomplished!!! (go us:-))

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WHQPHQ 5/12/2012 4:35PM

    I read this and it completely matches my life right now. I've started having evening binges and my weekly weigh-ins are a tense affair: I know what you mean when you think that one day it'll catch up with you.
You're looking great btw and well done on the 5K and the half marathon! I've started my couch to 5k training and I'm looking for a race in the summer. I am determined to complete a marathon next year and I know that I need to work on my fitness but my eating is holding me back.

You can do it! If you can, I can!

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BANDMOM2012 5/12/2012 1:12PM

    It is so frustrating to be so close to your goal sometimes and deal with that stuck feeling. Congrats on your successes and the running!

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