A lot has changed for me since I started Spark back in October! I managed to lose 23 pounds
, make healthier diet changes
, and learn some great new habits
here is me in size 5 jeans and XS t-shirt! Even more exciting I was able to wear a running shirt and not feel like a hypocrite. It says "Run faster, Breathe Deeper, Live Longer."
Not only that, but I was able to complete two 5ks and my first half marathon!!!
Me sprinting to the finish (HM):
But, more than that, the thing I realized the most is for once I felt like I was back in control of my body and my life
. Before that I felt like everything in my life was happening to me, rather than me causing it. Even with my weight gain, I felt like I was a victim to it, like the fat was attacking me or something rather than seeing it as the obvious result of my inconsistent short term health attempts, and my poor long term habits. (Stop attacking me fat!!!!
I started my journey at 153 pounds. The lowest weight I ever achieved was 128. I am currently at 130 pounds. Although my weight loss has plateaued at least I have managed to stay pretty consistent at 130 for the last couple months without gaining.
But the old feelings are sinking back as well as a lot of my old habits. Although I have not gained much weight, every time I step on the scale I feel like I am at it's mercy, with no idea of what it will bring. Every time I step on the scale and don't see a gain, I feel like, wow, I got lucky this time.
I don't want it to be this way! I have worked way too hard to start emotionally (or physically) going back to where I was.
Also, when I started this journey, the mean little voice in the back of my head was telling me, "you'll never finish this, you never finish anything." For me one of the most important things was that I not only lose weight, but achieve a physical and emotional level where I could feel CONFIDENT in myself and for the first time in my life have a summer where I could wear SHORTS and DRESSES and SWIMSUITS and not feel soooo disgusted with myself all the time. Well when I lost the 20+ pounds, I thought for sure I was going to have achieved it.
But right now I just feel blahhh
I don't feel like the fit, determined person I was a couple months ago. I know I've been slacking with my workouts and diet, but it's more than that. I'm starting to feel not in control of myself again. I'll eat healthfully all day and then come home and stuff my face with something terrible. I know I need to just find my self control, but inside I actually feel like I can't make myself stop eating! Maybe I need a big one of these
on my fridge!!!
But in any case, I am ready to start harnessing my girl power
and climb back on the saddle! I want to feel like I did, energetic, motivated, happy, and in control. I don't know what it is going to take, but I am going to get there!!
I'm ready to lose those last few pounds, tone up, and take back the reins of my own life!
(Where are all these horse analogies coming from??
Watch out world!!!!
Picture taken today
See I'm still skinnier than I was obviously but my belly pudge is coming back
Booo go away belly pudge!
When I post again next I hope to feel AMAZING!
Love and miss all of my spark friends!