It has been a hard few months for a broad variety of reasons - certainly not as hard as some people in SP have to face daily, so I'm not being all weeny and 'woe is me' about things. EVERYone has to deal with family, work, health, domestic issues, to name but a few - and I'm nothing special in that respect. The only thing is, and I've said it before, we each of us only walk in our own shoes so we have to deal with all of the peaks and troughs in our own ways, mercifully - for those of us who choose so - with the support of SP and our Friends. I have struggled to keep momentum after a great start and, since January, I've vacillated from good days to bad, sometimes several of the latter in a row, wondering why on earth something which had been going so well I - yes, ME! - was allowing to become sabotaged. Yes, I had a huge amount on my plate, but the choices were still all mine. No matter - I clung on for dear life and I'm not only still here, but BOY! is my Enthusiasm Hat back on!
So, whilst lying in bed AGAIN, because being upright is so damnably painful, I found myself watching several programmes in a row which I've never heard of before - "I used to be fat'. I found these programmes to be vastly more inspirational that The Biggest Loser and it made me hobble downstairs to make a really healthy lunch. Now, this is weird - after lunch I decided to get dressed instead of lying in my dressing gown, and suddenly, for the first time in a long time, I decided to get onto the Scary Scales! Just like that! I'd reached 'that' moment. Now, I know what I'm like - crikey, at 60 I should do by now! If I've been 'bad' I avoid the scales because of the negative effect that facing the truth has on my willpower. I know that I can only benefit from getting on the scales when my mindset is right, when it's strong enough to cope with disappointments - especially after having been through The Wobbles. So, here I was, AFTER a meal, AFTER several weeks of wobbling and clinging on, getting onto the scales. Wow! I anticipated having to face the truth but never considered what it would turn out to be! I was so stunned when I saw the figure that, not only did I get off the scales and then back on again, TWICE, but I had to open the computer and check my last actual recorded weight - good grief, it was in January! January!! (No, Jo - no recriminations. That was then and today is today.) Breaking news, everyone: I am the same weight as I was then - maybe a pound or two lighter, even, but domestic scales aren't the best. WOW! Double, treble, quadruple Wow!
So, I faced my demon today - you know the one, the one which lives in the bathroom scales - and lived to tell the tale with a big ol' smile on my face! Now, I could be beating myself up for wasting time, not losing, being ill-disciplined and lacking focus. but what would that achieve? No - I can't change it, it's gone; past. But I CAN choose how I want it to affect me. I've written about the Learning Curve already, and one of the most precious things for me has been developing the knack of pulling a positive from what could be seen as a failure. So, I've decided to turn the past few weeks right around and conclude that The Wobble has helped me to come through a period which tested me, and come through it with supreme pride - pride that I'm still here and didn't throw in the proverbial towel altogether. I've also come through it with the positive mental attitude that I CAN go on to the next phase, that I am ready to do so and that it is NOT in the lap of the gods as to whether I spend the senior years of my life as a fat person. This is MY life and there is no room for negativity. I'm happy to accept, if it happens again, the human reality of life which can sometimes nudge us off track - but I am NOT happy to accept wallowing in negativity.
Nobody, but nobody, can make us have a negative mental attitude - but, equally, nobody but nobody can make us have a positive one. Friends can support and encourage each other but, in the final analysis, it's up to each of us as to whether we choose to have a positive mental attitude or roll over, succumb to, and then wallow in, a negative one.
I choose a Positive Mental Attitude (PMA). This journey isn't going to be a cinch, and the road surface sometimes disintegrates a bit and makes the going a bit tough. Those times are only going to slow the journey down a bit, they're not going to stop it altogether. I AM going to get to the destination! The seats around me on this amazing bus are a bit full, but there's still room for newbies if you want to hop aboard. The only price for a ticket is a PMA!