Friday, May 11, 2012
I was thinking a lot about perspective during my last long run. The moment of realization is so interesting. It seems so obvious once itís happened, and you can never look at something the same way again.
When Andy drove me 22 miles from my house, I had one of those moments. I had him drive me to the closest gas station for a pit stop before I began my super long run. The gas station was almost the exactly 26.2 miles. Iíve been kind of freaking out about the length of this race, and in my mind it became something far worse than what it really is. Seeing the distance made it seem a lot more possible. It doesnít seem so terrifying. I know I can run that far.
I thought a lot about my speed Ė which is incredibly slow. I went into this marathon with the goal of finishing, but somewhere along the way, I got caught up in time. During my last run, I decided to stick with the initial goal and try to enjoy the experience. There is no point in being upset because Iím not as fast as other runners. It seems obvious, but it was a hard thing to accept. Iíve always had a very competitive (ridiculously so) view of sports, but the wonderful thing about running is that it is a solo thing. You are your own competition, and you just keep trying to improve. So, I will stick with my goal of completing it and enjoy this. Iíll work on speed after the marathon. Then, if I do another one, I can set a time goal.
Iím starting to see myself as a runner. Itís taken a long time. I recently wrote about how it took a long time to see myself as I really look. I got another dose of perspective when I was talking to some friends. Iím always worrying about the rest of the weight I need to lose, but I rarely think about how much Iíve already lost.
One of my friends asked how much Iíd lost. When I said 94 pounds, she told me that was what she weighed. I kind of stared at her when she said that. It probably seemed totally rude, but I was thinking about all the years I spent basically carrying her around. It kind of put my weight loss into a new perspective.
Having a good training run made me feel so much better about the marathon. If I can do 22 miles, I can finish. Itís making me feel a lot calmer. Iím getting really excited about it. Iím still nervous, but it is going to be an awesome experience.