Thursday, May 10, 2012
First off. How obvious is it that a journalist came up with the challenges this week? I've had to write two blogs as my homework. I hope I get an "A".
Today's blog is to be about what I've learned, or the progress I've made this particular week.
Well let's see - I did learn that I was more fit than I thought I was - see last blog post on that number. Actually today I noticed it again as well. I was hoofin' it up a hill to get to the store, and when I've walked up it before I've been winded. Today I just walked up it without a care. That's pretty darn cool if you ask me.
I've learned something else this week, actually in the last couple of days, that has been profound for me. It doesn't have much to do with this challenge, but rather about me.
You see I've had a bit of a scare. I have a mole on my face with an attitude. I am having it removed soon, but it's suspicious and therefore a cause of much worry. Very quickly old habits came knocking at my door. I wanted to eat away the worry. I didn't drink any water yesterday. I had a real fight on my hands. I was a mixture of a whole bunch of emotions. I basically stayed in control but the enjoyment that I got out of exercising was gone. I wanted to eat 4-5 servings of dinner and even more for dessert. I moped most of the day, although not in front of my daughter (21) as I don't want her to worry. But my worry was eating away at me.
This morning I got up and made a decision. I would worry about what I knew and not what might be. I have to thank my Spark Buddies for encouraging me in that realm. I would continue on with my routine because yes, it was important to me. I made myself "just do it" when it came to my workouts. And I filled up my water bottle.
I decided that I needed to turn my focus away from me and on to others in the hopes that I would stop thinking about everything. That helped a lot.
I also started looking at my life in retrospect. I know. Rather deep for me. Did I have any regrets? Only one. The number of years that I wasted dieting. Depriving myself. Being hungry. Crazy diets. Cutting out food groups. This fad. That fad. Worrying about what others thought of me. The years I spent comparing myself to this person or that one. The years, no decades, spent with low self esteem. Feeling below others because I was not perfect. That is my one regret. All those years of not living. What a total waste of time. Who me? You may be thinking. Yes me. Very much so.
Suddenly my priorities have come into alignment. If I were to die tomorrow, the only thing I would change is perhaps I would eat more cheesecake on occasion. My desire to fill my bank account with cash is less. My drive to work a bunch diminished in an instant. Funnily enough the party that I'm planning for my 50th Birthday bash is really important to me. I love to entertain. I love having friends around me. I love to feed people and to entertain them. That is who I am. I am a wife, mother, singer and actress who loves people. The rest doesn't matter anymore.
So today I logged my food. I've been drinking my water. Did my bootcamp video and cardio for 30 minutes. I planned some more stuff for my birthday party. Enjoyed the sunshine - even though it is my potential enemy. And I'll probably take the dogs out for another walk after dinner. Because that is my life. My real life. My good life.
And that my friends is my progress for this week.