Thursday, May 10, 2012
I've been in a rut since my father passed away. I watch t.v. That's pretty much it. Amanda does her music thing in her room, I hear her guitars or drums, or whatever strikes her fancy that day and I just watch t.v. all night. I've copped to being depressed before and it's not something I'm unaware of. I know I'm doing it. I know I should be spending more time with her than I do and I know I should be doing more than sitting there like a lump. Now that I have my orthotics and they work great I don't have an excuse not to be up. I just need to get up and do it. I'm exhausted all the time. Both from being sick this week and the depression but I also know that my emotional state isn't going to just change with the snap of a finger. So I need to change it.
Like all changes, I do better when I tackle them a little at a time. I've been using an app called COL Reminder. Not sure why it's called that but it was free and I started using it a couple of months ago. It's been working well for me. I just set a timed reminder and it reminds me. I can snooze, which I sometimes do, but I almost never hit "tomorrow". I'm going to use this tool because it's already working for me in other areas.
Amanda's always asking me to watch Big Bang Theory with her. I usually say no because I'm watching my shows. It's awful, I know. I do. So tonight when she asks me, I'm going to say yes. "My" shows are PVR'd so I can watch them anytime anyway. I need to engage with her more.
I blogged about my relationship with Amanda a few weeks ago and there has been progress. I am listening more. I have to make an effort, but some days it's not such an effort. She doesn't get mad at me for asking the same things over and over anymore and I'm more aware of what's going on at school. She's getting A's, grades are coming up from B's so it's not like there's anything to worry about there, but she's sharing more with me and it's good for us both.
We're expecting lots of nice weather this week and next. We'll be building more garden beds this weekend and then Sunday is Mothers Day so we'll spend plenty of non TV time together this weekend.