Day 52 ~ Opening my eyes.
I put my life in each song and vblog.
These songs translate what I canít say.
Better than my own words because Iíve lived these words.
Iím opening my eyes for once in my life, and not my mouth to eat. I see so much, and as I walk through my thoughts on these things right here.
Iíve come to understand my worth.
I thought I understood my worth a long time ago, but I didnít understand my worth. Once ďhunger for food was removed from my thoughts, and replaced withĒ hunger to live a rich life, all my worries no longer became a need. I want to live; I want to live my life to the fullest. Now that Iíve open my eyes and now I can see my growth as a woman; I realized that ďfoodĒ was never the issue, and food wasnít the object that fueled me. Iíve been ďlongingĒ to be loved, liked, wanted, and appreciated. Thatís what fueled the depression, and thatís what fueled the eating. It was never; never; never my weight. It has always been longingÖfor and wanting to be loved; liked; appreciated, and now Ėnow that I look at everything that has went down in my life. I can truly say; I am loved for who I am now and that my authentic-self. Iíve been searching for my authentic-self for so long and now that we are united as one; I can be free as a bird. I can be as light as air. I can move this ďweightĒ. It will no longer be my stumbling block. I realized how ďpowerfulĒ I was when I brought my spirit out of all this bondage.
I canít roam in bondage anymore. I wasnít made to roam.
The roaming has already been done, and I was not about to roam around in the desert. I was not going to become a part of that. Iíd made my mind up on this day, May 10th 2012 and I said. I will not roam in the past no more. I was scared, but I had to let it all go. I had to release those things, and thatís why todayís vblog is all about letting go and setting myself free.
Cause this is me.
And no one can take what Iíve learned in the past few months about myself frome me. No one can take me away from me ever again.
And thatís what the past had done, and thatís what depression did as well. And this fat was a wall put up by my low self-esteem.
Yes, Iím wise enough to see that.
I canít go. I wish I would have seen this sooner.
All I can say is. Iím thankful that I see it now.
Iím thankful that I can take myself as I am now.
And Iím moving forward.
No more struggles.
Weeks will be hard during this journey.
Emotions will be raw as well, just like the foods I choose to eat.
Tears will fall like rain drops.
Muscle will ache, but the pain is there to make them stronger.
Your body grows from pain, and I have dealt with a lot of pain.
I must admit. A
Iím no longer afraid of what the outcome may be.
Because I am now in control of what that outcome should and could be.
No more holding onto.
Shoulda; Coulda; Wouldaís.
No more holding onto the painful past.
It is what it is, and thatís how it going to be.
Iím not going to stop loving me as this strong black woman.
Iím going to carry on, and believe in all I can do.
Believe in the power that strengthens me,Jesus Christ.
I call today photo -pretty in pink. Haven't been able to rock this belt since 2010 with comfort, and now I can. I'm on the 3rd hole out of 4.
And I am... Won't share any weights until I reach another spark listed knock off.