Wednesday, May 09, 2012
Wow, life is getting crazy lately. There is so much I feel that I just havent came out yet and tell the full honest truth with myself. I am writing this blog based on emotions and the past. Here goes nothin!
Alright I posted in some of my blogs below some of the situations I face everyday. I am going to start with my past. Growing up I had everything a kid could want in life. Every new cool thing out there I got. My parents are my world. My parents got a divorce when I was in highschool. My dad is a very wealthy man and my mom struggles to pay the bills. My biggest weight gain was when my parents were going through the horrible divorce. I never looked at food as neurishment, food was my life, my comfort, my best friend. I tried everything to make me feel worth the life I was living. Not only food did I fall back on but it was the crowd I hung out with. I would drink and drink until I blacked out almost 6-7 days a week. I decided to try to fill myself up with clothes, makeup, items that I stole. Yes, I was caught stealing and I know now why I did it. I tried comforting myself with friends who did the same thing. I tried to find somoething else that would give me a rush and something else to think about besides my weight and the things I was dealing with. I got tattoos to feel pain I thought I deserved. I got peircing all over my body to also feel pain. Yet, I still always fell back on food in the end. Food was something that would never let me down. I craved attention from family and friends by being rebelious in the world. My life was a life of unsatisfying regret. I have gone to places and seen things people would never want to see. I have suffered such severe depression to the point I took bottles of pills to end the life I lived. ALL BECAUSE OF HATING THE GIRL IN THE MIRROR. I grew up with both of my sisters having severe eating disorders and dispised the thought of eating food. I wasnt sure how to deal with it anymore. (then I took a step back...)
I looked at my life as a failure to the world. Someone who was a waste of space and air. I still struggle each day with telling myself I will do this. Truth is, life is to short to morn over the past and the future. We have to live today to the best of our ablilities. Tomorrow is a new day and yes we cannot always make the excuses we think we can but we have to push through it. Make the changes and "keep on keeping on" as in the quote I read the other day. WE ARE ALL WORTH THIS LIFE... WE ARE ALL WORTH THE AIR WE BREATHE I WITH EVERY BREATH WE TAKE..
I would like to challenge everyone today. Look in the mirror and tell yourself "I AM WORTH IT!" Love yourself for who you are. People all around us are going to make rude comments and tell us things we dont want to hear. In your heart we got to know that we are special in every way just like anyone else is. In life, you will come across different types of people but no matter who it is or what kind of people they are just keep telling yourself we are all the same big boned, skinny, eating disorder or not, disabled, everyone... becuase in reality some people can suck the life out of the other. Just turn away and REAPEAT "I AM WORTH IT!!!!!"
Happiness and faith are the keys... I am ready to unlock the doors! Are you?
WHY? "BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT!"
"YOU ARE WORTH IT!"
"WE ARE WORTH IT!"
THANKS FOR READING TODAYS BLOG!!