Wednesday, May 09, 2012
IS A BIG LIAR.
I'm leaving this afternoon to visit my family and friends in the Midwest; Chicago and Indianapolis. The last time I was there, I screwed up my courage and saw some people I hadn't seen since college....this was a fear I had to face and I'm glad I did. Though, with fear and anxiety, it doesn't just go away cause you've faced it down once...well at least I haven't found that to work with real deep seeded issues. This anxiety runs deep and as I've been facing it, I realize that it goes even deeper than I thought it did. My big anxiety is that people will be embarrassed to be seen in public with me, because I am so circus lady fat...of course as I've grown, the anxiety has too. But I'm not letting that run MY life ANYMORE.
SO I'm going to have lunch with some friends from college(after I run/walk the Dirty Girl 5k on Saturday)...they were HOT CHICKS then and they're MILFs now and I love them to pieces and we used to have SO MUCH FUN in school. I messaged one of them on FB, to exchange numbers.
Message from me: I'm looking forward to seeing you too! I have some anxiety cause I look like a circus freak, fat lady and don't want you to be embarrassed to be seen with me. But that's my stupid anxiety talking! I have to make it shut up. My number is blah,blah,blah.
Message from Fawn (yes, that's her REAL name): Becky, We love ya no matter what. I know you have been working hard and I'm proud of you, "Dirty Girl". I will text you later this week to coordinate.
See...do you SEE THAT. Proof positive that the voice is LYING TO YOU when it tries to make you avoid seeing people you know and love. Define your fear. Face your fear. Speak your fear so it can't control you. KNOW that you ARE worthy of love and TRUST that your friends truly are real ones!