Day 161 - I'm falling into the darkness
Wednesday, May 09, 2012
There are days that I love Facebook and there are days that I hate it. Today when I got to work it brought me sad news about my Dad. Last night he was in the bathroom and after a while my Mom went to go check on him. She found him on the floor and he told her that he couldn't move. Luckily my Aunt was there and she helped my Mom get him to the bedroom. They then called 911 and got him to the hospital. Today he is set to have a CAT scan and neurology testing done. To say I'm on pins and needles would be an understatement at this point...I"M SCARED.
I'm here at work because being here is better than sitting at home thinking all these horrible thoughts. This is when living away from them hurts the most! I keep looking at the clock and praying that the time will fly by and it will be 5o'clock and I will be able to go home. NO SUCH LUCK! Instead it is slowly tick tick ticking away. A person walks by and I plaster a make believe smile on my face and pray that they don't stop and talk with me. I don't want to pretend that I give a rats ____ about anything they have to say to me...today I just don't. Today I'm dying a little more inside and the pain is just so deep and my heart is breaking!
I know I don't have many of these days, the down in the dumps day filled with gloom. I know that I should be trying to find the joy in the world so that it can try and pull me up from this feel....I just can't! I don't have the strength for any of it today. Today it's going to take all that I have to make it through the day and still find the words to tell my daughter.
Please Lord help my father, give him strength, give him peace. Please help my mom to find comfort. If the time is coming near please give me the guidance to help my daughter and my Mom through this. Help me to be strong if they both need me. Help our hearts to heal. ~Amen