Tuesday, May 08, 2012
Last week I was spot-on, counting calories and staying in range. This week (ok I know it is only Tuesday)... ok well I guess I am having weekend guilt because yesterday I went over by about 300 calories, and Saturday I went over about 200 calories. Yes, I did go for my 2 mile walk yesterday, and according to my fitness tracker I burned about 300 calories, so really that sort of balances it out... sigh.
I guess part of me is afraid that I might not succeed even if I do everything right, even though my smarter self is like: Dude this is math. You eat the right stuff, you exercise regularly, and as long as you keep that up, sooner or later, you'll get where you're aiming to get.
I can't deny that I am VERY disappointed that I gained back weight that I lost. It makes me feel like I failed and I'm embarrassed about it. I know I am not JUST my weight, that people like me regardless, that I am smart and funny (seriously), that I am a wonderful friend and partner.
But I was THERE. I was in the NORMAL. I had MUSCLES, and I was FIT and POWERFUL. I FELT AMAZING.
I feel ashamed that I would waste all that effort and find myself in almost the exact same place that I started! And I'm angry too! How dare I do this to myself?? Did I not remember how horrible I felt? Did I really need a reminder how much it sucks to be overweight and not ever have anything to wear, and always be self-conscious?
I'm just very exasperated.