Fear of Living
Tuesday, May 08, 2012
I have been sitting here trying to get the courage to go to the zoo by myself today. (90 miles away) Some might find that quit humerous since I am so outgoing at work, In my private life I am very shy, don't want to go in public alone (without my husband) and don't even drive out of town by myself.
I often wonder when this all started. Was it years ago when I was walking with a friend in California by the beach and had some young men cat call me saying he had some flour and all of them laughing at me, yelling "I never had a fat one before", and watching them laugh as my heart darkened. Was it being asked to get off of a ride because I was to fat to get the bar latched, my husband sitting there with sadness in his eyes. Was it when I had to ask for a seat belt extender on an airplane and the flight attend. rolling her eyes and looking at me with disgust.
My home is my safety net. My workplace is a safety place for me.
I am trying to break out of this shell by changing my life for the better. I am trying to break the shackles that hold me in my own prison.
Will the fear hold me back today????