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Fear of Living

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

I have been sitting here trying to get the courage to go to the zoo by myself today. (90 miles away) Some might find that quit humerous since I am so outgoing at work, In my private life I am very shy, don't want to go in public alone (without my husband) and don't even drive out of town by myself.
I often wonder when this all started. Was it years ago when I was walking with a friend in California by the beach and had some young men cat call me saying he had some flour and all of them laughing at me, yelling "I never had a fat one before", and watching them laugh as my heart darkened. Was it being asked to get off of a ride because I was to fat to get the bar latched, my husband sitting there with sadness in his eyes. Was it when I had to ask for a seat belt extender on an airplane and the flight attend. rolling her eyes and looking at me with disgust.
My home is my safety net. My workplace is a safety place for me.
I am trying to break out of this shell by changing my life for the better. I am trying to break the shackles that hold me in my own prison.
Will the fear hold me back today????

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
JUDYAMK 5/8/2012 4:25PM

    You need to break this cycle one trip at a time. I hope you went. You will feel on top of the world when you conquer each & every trip.You see I know your fear. I would never go out of town for fear of getting lost. I got lost one time when I was 21. I hyper ventilated it was awful. My husband bought me a GPS several years ago. Now I am unstoppable first time I ventured out alone I came home & cried tears of happiness.Do not allow anyone to make you feel less of yourself. I had that in my life time also.Do not allow any one to have that power over you, if you do there fore they win. With my fear I went to Israel, Greece & Jordan my husband would not fly out of the country. I have a fear of flying I went any way for 2 weeks. I got up in the early morning hours & traveled the streets of Israel. When I came home I was unstoppable.This did not happen all at once it was done in small chunks of time. I often go to New York City by myself because I love museums the culture, & Broadway.Have a good day & when you travel grab your camera & click away then those pictures will encourage you to go again. Have a lovely evening
Judy emoticon

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