Monday, May 07, 2012
had my last traditional therapy session with my awesome therapist today. we have a therapeutic hike scheduled for may 18th as our final goodbye. our session today was really good because she reiterated to me that in light of the change of therapists that maybe it's a good opportunity to make other changes in my life.
I have been incredibly frustrated with my job and am in need of a new job. I am not connected to my job anymore and my therapist pointed out today that I am the kind of person that needs to feel connected to things in my life in order to be happy and thrive. I have to have passion. My current job is literally killing me because it's caused me to start having anxiety attacks and an increase in my depression. It is squashing my spirit and I've stayed there out of some twisted sense of loyalty because once upon a time I loved my job.
My therapist also pointed out that with how upset I got over her leaving that she's had yet to see me get upset about my separation with my husband and that must mean something. I hadn't really thought about it until today, but she's right. I haven't felt connected to him and don't have the level of connection with him that one should have in a marriage. I don't think he values the things that are important to me and I don't think he cares to have any part of the things that make me who I am and truly happy. She pointed out that it's not because I am incapable of connecting with people because I connected with her extremely intensely and have only worked with her for about 9 months. That shows that I am capable of strong and meaningful attachments. I need to have those levels of attachments and connections to the various aspects in my life if I am to feel and be truly happy.
So, I am going to start job hunting and see what I can find. I would LOVE to find a job at a hospital or doctor's office but we shall see. hopefully i will find whatever is the best fit for me.