Monday, May 07, 2012
I did my first official walk this past Saturday. My daughter was an ambassador for Easter Seals and we participated in the Walk With Me event this past Saturday in New Orleans.
I don't usually allow people to take my photo. Especially a whole body photo. Shudder! I've got serious perception issues because I don't think I look a bit different than when I started.
I've lost nearly 40 lbs. and I still see the same person in the mirror. I think that I need to work more on loving myself, but it's really hard because I've spent so much time thinking negative thoughts about my body.
"Oh you're so disgusting, and fat!" "Who could really love you when you look like that?" I'm sure you're all familiar with the negative self talk. My husband and I started going back to church recently. (Which is a HUGE thing. He hasn't gone to church since we've been together so that's over 12 years!) When we went to church, one of the first things I noticed is that I was the biggest woman there. I thought, well that's it. They all know which sin I've committed! (If only gluttony was my only problem. Ha!)
My internal reasoning is so flawed. No one probably even cared or thought negative things when they saw me. I'm so wrapped up in my own misery sometimes that I tend to think everyone's looking at me. Guess what? They probably weren't. They were probably too wrapped up in worrying what everyone was thinking about THEM to worry about me.
Anyway, I'm going to keep plugging along. I haven't been able to check in to the boards much because I've been too busy exercising. I haven't been online much. I just thought I'd check in and let everyone know that I haven't quit!