I can feel the depression

Monday, May 07, 2012

I have put on about 10 pounds in the last 6 months, and I feel like it is because my depression is coming back. I have dealt with this before (in fact about this time of year a few years ago), and it is not fun. And, it is unfortunately not treatable. I feel like a lot of times when I blog on here that it is negative, but I see this as a place for me to put my thoughts to go back and look at to help identify how to make changes.

My biggest problem with depression is I have no motivation. I have lots of things I need to be doing, but most days when I am at home, I just sit here. This week will be a big test because I have a lot of things to do in the evenings to get ready for my weekend trip. I wish my depression was treatable, but when I tried several medications before, it didn't help at all. And, it is because it is due to my situation, not a chemical imbalance. It is hard to stay happy when life seems to become more and more difficult. I would never harm myself, but I have got to figure out how to make things better. I have been considering joining a gym in the last few days, but have not had the motivation to get there. I did have a nice chat on Saturday with one of the wives of the guys I work with. She is really cool. And, we talked about a lot of the things that I am having issue with. And, the really sad thing is the things I have problems with, most people that live here readily admit that they are problems!

I have been up early the last 4 days in a row, which is nice. I am going to work hard to start trying to use that to my advantage. With some really hard work, I could reach my goal weight in the next year. I don't know if I have the motivation to get there though. I know I can do it, but it is going to take some willpower to get going.

I know in my heart that I can not continue to live where I do. I know that I am going to have to figure out where to move to, and have to learn to meet people. I am very curious how hard it is going to be to find a job somewhere before I move, since I will have to have a job. And, I am not good at saving money, but I am going to have to work really hard at doing that over the next year so that I can get my health and my life back. I know I am going to move west, but where to???
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  • TINKY739
    Thank you for the support ladies! I have tried counseling in the past, and it is unfortunately not really in my budget. I am working at setting up some regular get togethers with a couple of friends of mine, especially now that one of them is out of school. I may not have many friends, but I do have a couple of good ones. The other thing I think will help is to make some daily goals so I can start accomplishing things...start small and get bigger!
    2144 days ago
    I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Just because medication doesn't work, that doesn't mean your depression is not treatable. Maybe you should find a therapist you click with. I did that many years ago and it helped immensely. It helped so much that I went off of anti-depressants and I no longer consider myself a depressed person. Medication is not the only solution to depression!
    2145 days ago
    Oh Tinky, my heart goes out to you. I certainly understand the fugue state that stops you from doing things, even when your head is telling you to do them.

    Firstly, don't worry that chemicals (pills) don't help you.

    Secondly, talking is great.

    Can you arrange to meet up with the lady who sounds lovely maybe once a week for coffee and a chat? Or a walk in the park and a chat - cheaper and better for both of you?

    Do you know anyone with a dog that you could walk? If you enjoyed that activity, maybe it could lead to setting up a dog-walking service in the area you want to move to. It'd be a great way to get to know people, make friends, explore the area all whilst earning an income.

    (((Hugs for you)))) and keep blogging about how you are feeling. there are plenty of people wanting to offer virtual help. xx
    2145 days ago
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