Sunday, May 06, 2012
Last night laying in bed I realized something about myself. I have fought against my weight my whole life. Thinking of my past I never really understood my feeling towards food. Finally taking a moment to think about it the truth came out. I am obsessive when it comes to food. When I am around food im an addict. Food is my way of feeling full inside. Not only full and uncomfortable, but full as in it takes up the emptiness I have been feeling. When I am empty as in hungry I strive to find food to fill that emptiness. I have never really been excepted in my family because of my weight. I always got told I wasnt trying or I was going to kill myself with overeating. But how could I try when so much negitivity was always around. I wanted to feel worthy of happiness and worthy of being loved.
I realized while laying in bed last night.... I AM WORTH IT! WE ARE ALL WORTH IT! I craved attention so that people would somehow show me that I was inportant and good enough. I made up lies because I wanted to worry about something else other than my weight. Food to me is and now was a drug that I was so addicted to. A couple months ago I started personal training with one of the most amazing ladies Ive ever met. I have always been embarressed to work out in front of people, so I struggled with taking off my sweatshirt when working out. My trainer Vicky has took me and made me realize I WILL DO THIS. Vicky has been a huge inspiration in my life and has been teaching me new things everyday about loving myself.
I am the girl who wears layers and layers of clothing in 90 degree weather. I am the girl that shuts down when people are around, and I am the girl that when I walk into a room full of people I pretend im invisible and that no one can see me. My weight has effected the young woman I am supposed to be. The uplifting girl I have always strived to be, but was always to afraid to put myself out there.
For anyone that knows how it feels to want to feel worthy of life knows what I am talking about. I am 22 years old and have gone through so much in life. I have been torn to shreds by many, but today I am ready to fight this battle I have been trying to fight my whole life. We are all WORTH IT! Never let anyone tell you you arnt worth it, because they are the ones who will suffer in the end. Live your life to its fullest and believe everyday that YOU CAN DO IT! Today is a new start, a new jouney, a new me. I'm ready for this because I AM WORTH IT!
again... YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!
I AM WORTH IT BECAUSE... I deserve to be happy.
I AM WORTH IT BECAUSE... I deserve to love myself.
I AM WORTH IT BECAUSE... I deserve to feel beautiful.
I AM WORTH IT BECAUSE... I deserve to feel worthy.
WE ARE ALL WORTH IT!!!! :)