I took some "before pictures" of me yesterday in hopes that this is the highest weight I will ever be at 295 pounds. After taking the photos, I decided that I should write my future self a letter that I can go back to to remember how I felt at 295 pounds so I know to never return here again. So, here it goes.
Dear Future Tressa,
If you are reading this, it might be because you are feeling discouraged or maybe reminiscent, maybe you are thinking you were happier, life was easier when focusing on weight was not a priority. You are WRONG, you just might not remember. So, let me remind you to start with.
Being this heavy is hard. You don't always fit in chairs, especially those with arm rests. Clothes that you feel attractive in are hard to find. People think you are a lot older than you are. Remember, all those times you wanted to go party or to the bar with your friends, and how uncomfortable you felt when you arrived? How men would avoid you, didn't want to talk to you, or even introduce themselves, even if you weren't trying to find a guy, you still felt it. You didn't like getting your picture taken any more, because you liked to still imagine yourself as smaller than you are, and pictures are just proof that the image of yourself wasn't real. You were hiding in a fantasy self that looked like a past self... this is who you always tried remembering that you looked like, this is the confidence you wish you had.
And it's ok, because it was you.
It was you being beautiful and confident
Having fun and being young
And, it's ok, it's ok to think about and remember it and wish for it. Because that was YOU, and that fun, happy, sexy, adventurous, young girl is still in you! Although, you may never look exactly like that again, since time has gone by, you can still draw those beautiful emotions towards yourself, and the self respect that you once had.
Keep making positive decisions, and this can be yours! Trust God and believe that with hard work, He will make your dreams come true. He will do for you want you can't, but will not do for you what you can, so keep working at it!! You can do it!
I just want you to know, whether you have lost 10 pounds, 50, or even 100 pounds, I am so proud of you. You have worked hard and even if you have started to backslide, catch yourself before you lose it all! I love you and I know you have and will accomplish so much! Take it from a 295lb girl, you deserve so much more! I hope you ran that 5k and pushed through it. I hope you set your eyes on your goals and never look away. You can do it!!