Sunday, May 06, 2012
Yesterday, I managed to get to bed by 10. Hubby was still awake and watching TV, so I folded laundry, read, wrote my To-Do list, meditated and did all those little things that I always forget to do. It was so nice that I have decided that I NEED to do it. When I woke up this morning, I could hop out of bed because I knew there was a plan for the day.
I am a super perfectionist (like you couldn't tell!) and won't do something unless I am going TO BE THE BEST at it. I do this obsessively, compulsively and constantly. Apparently it's my quirks that make me interesting. Kidding.
Perfectionism is a strange thing isn't it? I suppose it links to control for me. I need to have control of certain areas - especially if other areas are giving me trouble. Food is a level of control. Eating until my belly ached was me expressing control. Denying myself seconds is also an exercise in control.
This week, I can control the things that I feel "out of control" in. I can destress at the end of the day and combat this anxiousness. I can work harder to combat the feeling that I don't have enough time to make my body healthy. I can take back control.
Maybe it's because 130 pounds is such a far way away. In fact, I can't remember being under 200 pounds since I was 13/14/15 (??), so my own goal rewards stop at this mark because I am honestly not sure who I will be when I stare down at 199 on the scale. I need a short term urgent goal that I can see, feel and visualise.
My next Doctor appointment is in August. I would like to be out of the "obese" BMI by then. This would put me at 213 lbs which is less than my wedding weight and at my "half way" weight loss goal. I would be able to double up my checks for both my PCOS and weight loss health check. Being out of the obese category puts me in the "ok" to have a healthy pregnancy should we decide to move down that road.
But I need to get serious about this if it's going to happen. So here's what I am going to do.
1. 30 Day Shred Morning Workout. I am in control of my mornings and I will spend them working out. This week I will begin by waking up earlier, and getting my groove on at 5 am. I am going to do the Shred for 30 days, with one work out a day. I am going to take measurements, and eat more to give myself the fuel I need. This DVD kicks my snooty behind everytime I do it. I'll give myself a couple days to get used to less sleep, and start rocking it sometime this week.
2. Take my medication every day. Twice a day. At the proper times.
3. Track food carefully - eating more than 1200 calories a day. I have a hard time eating normally right now, but I lose when I eat -so eat I shall.
I'm sure this makes me sound like a horrible person. I assure you, I am not. Just driven. Motivated. Seriously ready to kick some ass (more specifically my own).
Let's do it!