Saturday, May 05, 2012
I had to run into the store to get batteries. They had easter candies and such for 75% off. I managed not to pick up any of the chocolates or marshmallow peeps or anything, but I found myself headed to the check-out with one of those decadent sugar cookies that have like 400 calories a bite, the soft ones with that melt-in-your-mouth frosting on them...
I'm standing in line holding my batteries in one hand and staring at that cookie with this sense of inevitable defeat of "I could eat just 1/4th and that'd be a good snack I could work it, but I *know* that instead I'm going to eat the entire thing in the car on the way home and feel miserable."
I was absolutely defeated by that cookie. Even knowing - KNOWING - I was going to feel miserable, I was still standing there with that cookie.
And finally I realized something. I was worth more than that. I was worth more than the misery of eating a cookie. I realized no matter how good I knew that cookie was going to taste, it wasn't going to taste good enough to make me feel better about myself when I was done.
None of those were really conscious thoughts, I wasn't standing there philosophizing to myself. But I did something I had rarely been able to do before. I set the cookie down on the soda case. I didn't even bother walking back to put it away. I just set it down right where I was and took a step forward.
I beat the cookie. I didn't buy it, I didn't eat it on the way home, and I didn't feel miserable.
It will probably be the exact same battle the next time. I might lose next time. But I won this time. And sometimes it's the little victories you really have to hold on to.