Saturday, May 05, 2012
On the plus side:
--When I stopped my run to let a woman pet my dog, she made a comment to me that started, "I'm a runner, too, and I..." I still can get over being referred to as "a runner."
--I went to the water park today with my kids. I wasn't happy about how I looked in my bathing suit, but I did it. Just being on the journey gives me more confidence and energy. Before, I would have just stayed on the side, watching.
--My shin splints didn't get any worse after I returned to running today.
--I took home a homemade chocolate chip cookie, chocolate chip blondie, and fudge brownie from school, all made my students and given to me. I wasn't even tempted to eat them. I gave each of my kids half a treat, which at least is sweets in moderation. Before, I would have eaten all three in about four bites.
--My size 18 jeans are fitting well; I'm not squeezing into them.
--I told my best friend about my weight loss. She's in great shape and a marathon runner, so weight struggles are not something we have in common. But she was very supportive and not judgmental about the liquid-diet thing, which I was nervous about.
--I'm working out 5-6 times a week. I'm being totally committed to it, and the only question each day is "when am I going to work out?" rather than "am I going to work out?" I think my heart rate is coming down more quickly and I'm not getting winded as quickly. My blood pressure has come down from 138/80 to 122/74 since I started.
--I started working on my vision collage. I'm not a crafty person, so putting it together will be a challenge, but it's fun doing it.
--I'm continuing to read Beck Diet Solution, though the steps I've been reading don't necessarily have written components. But I'm internalizing the logic and feel like I'm becoming more cognitively disciplined, including giving myself credit. This list is an example of that.
On the minus side:
--This weight loss is taking a long time (even though I know it's actually going VERY fast). I'm impatient. Somehow, it feels like I've been so committed and dedicated, I should be able to just snap my fingers and have this be DONE. I know that's not realistic or fair (it took a long time to put this weight on, I shouldn't be able to just blink it away). But somehow I just want to see results NOW already.
--I went to the used clothing store to pick out a new outfit for a school event, and I was disappointed to see that I'm still in 1x tops. I think I might have been able to slip into an XL, but it would have been tight. I hate being so busty and wish I could just be a B-cup. I'll never understand people who get breast enhancements. They're welcome to my Ds, if they want 'em.
--I'm nervous about my shin splints. I can only hope that they don't get worse.
--I'm starting to read "Refuse to Regain," and it's hitting me how much of a sacrifice maintaining a low weight is going to be. The author recommends no starches--bread, pasta, potatoes--basically my three favorite food groups. This will need its own post at some point, because I'm not totally ready to reconcile myself with the new eating habits that I'm going to have to adopt permanently. And I know that I could do them in moderation, but I think I agree with Berkeley's thesis that moderation doesn't work. It never has for me--a little always leads to more, and more always leads to way too much. I'm going to have to adopt some really harsh rules for myself once I get to my goal weight. Maybe I'll loosen up over time, but I need to start harshly disciplined. I have to get myself mentally ready for this in the next few months.
--It's amazing how many people think "lose" is spelled "loose."
So, on the whole, looks like I have more positive than negative going on, which makes sense because overall things are going well.