Saturday, May 05, 2012
Last night I decided I will stop eating sugar and I've set a one year goal for this decision. I will completely cut sugar out of my diet, since sugar is something that causes me to want to eat all of the time and to eat too much. I quit eating sugar for a year and a half back in 2005 and I lost all of my weight, basically. I had slimmed down completely and felt better than I had for many years, at that point.
I became overwhelmed when we had a long series of personal tragedies and stressful situations happen during 2006-2008. We had just moved our business into a building we had spent 3 years building, after being quite successful since 1986. It was a lot of work and when the building was finally completed, we had to set up a phone system, a computer network, move 50,000 products in and set them up, and on and on and on. We eventually got settled when we found out my sister-in-law, who lived two doors down, had ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) and had about a year and a half to live. She had always been the most difficult, mean-spirited, neurotic mess I've ever known and that made the whole thing 1000 times worse then the terrible situation it already presented. She chose to bring her meth addicted daughter in to care for her and we had to watch this from 2 doors away, since she bought a home on our small block. The movie it reminded me of was "The Exorcist." She was also in to witchcraft and that added another difficult element to what we went through. My husband and I were going to adopt her grandson, 12, who had really been neglected and treated pretty badly in all of this and had lived with her since he was 4. We moved him into our house and helped him pull his grades from Fs and Ds up to Bs and Cs. He began to smile again and be happy, seeming to pull out of a depression. After about three weeks his grandmother, his legal guardian, called screaming that he had to come back and we were forced to return him. No matter how awful the situation became there was nothing we were able to do to make things any better. Her daughter walked past our home screaming obscenities and we had to watch as my sister-in-law was neglected, abused, the grandchildren neglected, the house looted and on and on for the next year. Finally, the authorities did step in and take the children out of the house and put them in foster care. The fathers of the kids did take them and they are better off today, thank God that part of this worked out. My sister-in-law died cursing everyone and her daughter became estranged from the family.
While all of this was going on my step-father died suddenly. He was an old man, but he had been my father since about 8 years after my father died when I was a girl. He had been my dad for 30 years and it was painful. Overlapping everything, my daughter met a nice man and they became engaged, so I was planning out a formal wedding for 150 people. My step-dad died, then my sister-in-law 4 months later. My mentor of 20 years died 4 months after that, 3 weeks before my daughter's wedding. My daughter married and moved with her husband. She had worked for our company for 6 years, but now she took a good career job and left our employ, which meant she no longer talked to me throughout each day on the phone or in person. Shortly after this we discovered our manager of 10 years had been bad-mouthing our business in such a way that he had to be let go. When he left, the rest of the staff decided to walk out in solidarity with him! It was really awful, because my husband had done EVERYTHING kind for them and had been so wonderful to them over many years. We hired new people and began to train them, when my mother became suddenly ill. She was sick for 8 weeks when she died.
I've written all of this for myself, really. All of these terrible things happened and these events erased about 14 people from my life in a year and a half. I actually ended up becoming sick at the end of this period and I had to have a radical thyroidectomy in the summer of 2010, after being seriously ill for 2 or 3 years beforehand.
By the time I finished going through all of this I felt like my belief in God had been wrung out of me. I could no longer believe and I felt utterly alone. My husband and I hung in there with one another and I knew by the end of my illness that he really, really loved me, because he had to take care of our business, take care of me and otherwise carry on after all we had been through. I had begun to have this disbelief before my mentor passed away in 2008, so I had discussed this with her and she told me that many people go through a period of disbelief and not to worry about it - my belief would come back eventually and after that I would believe even more than I ever had in the past. That is what has been happening this last few months - I am beginning to believe again.
By the time I began to recover from my illness our business was really suffering because of the economy. It has been almost unbearable stressful, but we have pulled through. We rented out our house in November and moved into an apartment in our building, which turned out to be the best decision we've made in years. We downsized and it is a huge relief financially and emotionally, so we are much happier today.
I'm determined I will work through all of this. I was 281 pounds by the time I had my thyroidectomy and now I've lost 53 lbs. I am swimming 3-4 nights a week and I am walking with my friend 3-4 days a week, so I'm moving my body. I injured my knee when I first began to exercise, but that is dramatically improving as I lose weight and keep swimming and now walking.
Today it is time for me to stop eating the sugar. I went back to eating sugar when I was in the midst of all of the pain I was going through with my sister-in-law and it is no longer necessary for me to hurt myself that way. Let me repeat: it is no longer necessary for me to hurt myself. So I am vowing to start today and not eat sugar for one full year, just to give it a parameter. I'm going to start by not eating sugar TODAY.
I no longer eat sugar. I am losing weight. My body is healing and I feel better and better each day. God is good to me and He is taking care of my financial stresses. I am returning to a state of complete health and a beautiful, slim body. I am really, really grateful that everything is working out so well. - Sherry