For six months, I've been working my butt off, literally! I started at 207.5lbs and was determined by July I was going to be down the 160lbs. Why 160? I mean, it's just a number, right? Well, the last time I remember my body feeling really well, not looking well, but FEELING well... was when I was at about 160lbs. So that became my goal. You see, as much as I wanted to LOOK good, it was more important to me to FEEL good, inside and out.
So I started my journey, have the standard milestone celebrations along the way (5lbs, 10lbs, etc.). I was working hard, exercising every day with one rest day a week and eating not only properly but sticking to the meals I had planned which is a battle in itself!
Then at the beginning of April, I did my typical Saturday morning standoff with the scale. I stripped down to my birthday suit and got on, sucking my tummy in (which somehow, in my mind... makes me weigh less... and I bet you've done it too!) and there it was.. 162.5lbs. And I followed up with my measurements (B- 38, H- 38, W- 31). Now most people would be standing in their bathroom, naked, dancing because they were sssoooooo close but what did I do? I panicked. "OMG- I'm almost there... but once I'm there... then what do I do?". Those thoughts were followed up by a prompt call to my Mother.... it's amazing how no matter how old you are, you're Mommy can fix ANYTHING!! And if she can't fix it, she always has the right solution.
And my Mom, bless her heart said "Why are you panicking sweetie, this is exactly what you've been working for! You deserve to meet your goal, don't you?" - boom- that was it right there.... did I think I deserved it? I wasn't sure, remember at Christmas I had that cheat day with potatoes and some cookies? I know I worked even harder for the rest of the week... but what about that other time when I shared some cheesecake with my friend to celebrate her weight success? I know I had counted calories and been painstakingly strict the week prior, anticipating that celebratory cheesecake... but I'm not perfect and I had a few slip ups! So, did I deserve to meet my goal? And not just meet it, but meet it before my deadline?
I struggled with that but continued my regime between low carb eating, calorie counting and exercising regardless. I knew I couldn't give up and I knew I was on the right track but I felt as though I was floating and in unfamiliar territory. I didn't know what to do - if I hit my goal, am I going to want to continue to loose? Or should I maintain for a while? What am I going to do? And then the scary thoughts "What if I hit my goal and decide I'm done? I start eating the way I used to and stop exercising? And what if the weight comes back? And if the weight comes back, how am I going to feel?".... those thoughts went back and forth in my mind for days.....
And then 2 weeks after my weigh in which initially made me panic, I stood off with the scale yet again... and yes, I stood tall and sucked in... but I always weigh myself more than once to make sure the scale is accurate. Guess what the scale said that day? 159lbs.
I did it, I'm there......... I MADE MY GOAL!!
And guess what! I still don't know if I should keep loosing or maintain, and since then I've lost a few more pounds. I've been thinking of a new goal, because it's always good to have something to work for. This time, the goal is going to be completely different, it's going to be something I never thought I could do.... because I wasn't sure if I could get down to 160lbs... and proved to myself I could. This time, I am going to put a fitness goal into place. I want to learn to run... and maybe by the fall I can run a 5K!
I'm going to continue my weekly standoffs with the scale, but the numbers aren't going to dictate how I eat that day. The numbers may go up a tiny bit as I move forward towards my fitness goal, we all know muscle weighs more than fat... but then again, those numbers could go down too. And I've decided, as long as I'm around that 160lbs mark, I'm satisfied.
So now what?
I celebrate, I made my goal and deserve to have met that goal! It may have come sooner than I had planned but I DESERVE IT! And even though I'm floating on a cloud of unsurety... to maintain or loose... I did it!
I'm not going back to my old habits, I'm going to continue my journey because this isn't just a diet, this is a new lifestyle for me. And from now on, every day is going to be a celebration of my accomplishments!! Why wait?