Strong Enough to Trust
Saturday, May 05, 2012
Have you ever listened to one person give advice to someone else, but the wisdom triggered something in you? That happened to me this evening. I was watching an episode of "Dr. Phil," who I think has a great talent for speaking truth in a way that makes sense to a lot of people. He said something that he has said many times before:
"How much we trust another person is really a function of how much we trust ourselves to be strong enough to deal with their imperfections. If [you] trust somebody to be truthful and honest and they [aren't, you] can handle that. [You are] strong enough that [you] won't be emotionally bankrupt if somebody let's [you] down."
Those words have always rung true, but tonight they hit me in a way they never had before. A light bulb came on over my head. Up to this point, when someone has let me down, I have felt betrayed and personally attacked. It is almost as if I believed that I must not deserve to be treated any better.
I have always known that I do not do well with imperfections, neither my imperfections nor the imperfections of others. But what a surprise it was to me to realize that instead of reacting to their flaws, I am reacting to my own!
I am not perfect, never have been, never will be, no matter how hard I try. It stands to reason that nobody else is perfect, either. I need to learn to forgive myself for the mistakes I have made . . . and the mistakes I inevitably will make! Then and only then will I be able to forgive other people for simply being flawed human beings like me.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
Great quote from Dr. Phil. I had not heard him say that.
I used to be the shyest person on the planet! In high school when I graduated, another student said, "Who are you?" she told me she makes a point of knowing everyone in the school and she did not know me. I always hid and felt like part of the woodwork. In counseling , I made the gesture of index finger and thumb coming together to show how small I felt, especially when someone acted cross with me. I shrunk! That was an eye opener for me! Because of my chosen profession, teaching the deaf, I could hide no longer! It was the worst fit of me and a profession I could ever have picked! the deaf use their whole body to communicate and I and my family used no body language at all. Home was a scary environment where you did not express feelings, especially hurt. If you did, Mom would cry and/or Dad would yell. so we were never honest about our feelings to each other. I learned early and with daily practice not to show my negative feelings. so eventually I became braver with my students because they were walking all over me. If I wanted them to respect me, I had to speak up and tell them how to behave, It took years, but now I am pretty outspoken. I hope being on the team and making friends there will have positive influence on your life. My best to you on your anniversary! Chris
1382 days ago
I too believe that when I have the biggest "charge" about something or someone else that it is always about me.. When this happens now I usually take a deep breath and think to myself "What is really going on for me emotionally"? What am seeing or hearing and who or what does this remind me of? When I am feeling insecure because of what some person said , did their comment take me back to when I was much younger and did not know how to deal with or process that information? Only the last couple of years have I 'figured" out that no one or no thing can make you happy.. You must find that within yourself . Find One little thing about yourself that YOU like and the things that you don't like will be easier for you to change or handle emotionally.
Also known as Lynn
1474 days ago
Wow, this was great. Thank you for sharing. I agree, no one is perfect. I certainly know that I am not. This gave me a lot to think about.
1559 days ago
What an intriguing idea. Thank you for sharing it. I think I will do some pondering on this.
1597 days ago
Dearest Lynn, I don't know which I enjoyed more - your subject or your writing. But I'm sooo glad that yours was the blog that I chose to read today. Noting failures in others (often quite small), while not properly owning our own, can be much like leukemia - a cancer in us that can't be seen but is there, nonetheless.
And it's been a fault in me. Not a huge fault (I've got loads to chose from), but it's been there, silent and unseen. Thankfully, there are a goodly number of advantages to getting getting older. One of them is coming to understand that many of the faults that might be identified in others are faults that may not be as cancerous as our own. I'm just a slow student, I suppose. Anyway, seeing other folks through a jaundice eye can cause those blasted wrinkles between our eyebrows! Don't you just hate them!?
1602 days ago
Comment edited on: 5/9/2012 8:45:05 AM
I like this and I am so far from perfect, but I have faith and, lets just not ever give up!! We learn from failures and, we are supposed to help each other through this.
1604 days ago
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