but what’s done is done. I told him where I was, what I wanted, and that it was his choice to make. He made the choice we all expected. It hurt a lot to hear it out loud. He said it was work. I told him that was a poor excuse, that I can put up with a work schedule and he could actually choose to make the effort. He said he wanted to still see me, I told him I was taking him out of my phone, but that if he changed his mind, then he could call me.

It’s funny because we started at the Tavern on Mill which was where we went on what we called our “second date” and ended up saying goodbye outside Caffe Boa, which was where we met the first time. I cried a lot. The bartenders were confused when I came back in to Caffe Boa and the new friend we made at the Tavern (who was also conveniently paying for everything) was absolutely flabbergasted. He said he didn’t know the two of us were together, I told him we weren’t really, but that the majority of the breaking up was done before he sat down next to us at the bar.

I will miss that boy so much. I wanted to tell him today about how our new friends kept an eye out for me last night, how they told me he’d be back, that he’d change his mind (he won’t). But it was nice to hear. And also sort of terrible.

My phone buzzes and I want it to be him, telling me he changed his mind. He won’t. I can’t either. I hate the idea of never seeing him again, I really do, but I don’t think there’s any other way. I bawled my eyes out on the way home, loud, sobbing messy tears that clouded my vision and drowned out the sad music I was listening to make me cry. I came home and literally cried myself to sleep. I can’t remember the last time I did that, actually physically exhausted myself from crying. I hope they will prove to be healing tears.

I need to stop crying about this before my date tonight. On to the next one.