I think the hardest thing to do is to go through your own story. Itís tough, to explain from where you started to where you are at right now, without missing important details or stories that lead you to where you are today. So I am going to start from where Iím at right now.
My name is Angelina C. McConnell. I was born March 21, 1985 Ė making me 27 years old. Gunner and Suzie are my cats, both rescues, and I live alone with them. I am single and recently moved to Edmonton, Alberta.
Naturally, I am a blonde (yes I have my moments,) and am 5 foot 3 and 3/4. And Iím 310 pounds.
I am the heaviest I have ever been. So many circumstances lead to the weight gain, and it happened so fast that I donít think my mind has processed just how big I really am. Like I know what size I am, and I know my physical fitness is terrible, but until I look in the mirror, I donít really see it. I donít envision myself being this big, not until I look into that reflective surface. Then itís a mixture of Ė who is that girl and how did I get that big?
The more I have seen myself and have forced myself to look and get a reality check, the more self-concious about my body I have become in social situations. Not at work, just socially. Going for drinks, even most recently going to the gym, I am so embarrassed of my size. Itís the anxiety of what will people think next to, is someone going to have a camera? Is there going to be booths because I am worried I might not fitÖ Will the chairs have arms? Are they wide chairs or?
Those are the thoughts that are getting to me. Not the, yes this is an unhealthy weight and I might die of a heart attack. I work in the communications/marketing industry. Scare tactics donít get to me, so those ones donít get to me. But the thought of going out does, even though my actual size isnít the way I see myself in my head.
Sounds crazy right?
So that is where I am at right now. Overweight. Unhealthy. Unhappy. Unattractive.
(But I do not believe in associating weight with attractiveness because honestly it leads to eating disorders and unhealthy thinking. I believe in being at a healthy weight for yourself and for your health.)
So what did I do? I joined a gym. Talk about being scared as hell.